http://sirene-perdue.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] sirene-perdue.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] writers_loft 2009-10-05 05:25 pm (UTC)

Not really a critique, but... it made me think of the movie Equilibrium for some reason.

Just one thing: in the last two paragraphs you switch the viewpoint from her to him and back in the space of a few sentences... it seems a little off.

Is this a one-shot or will there be more? :)
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