I like the story and the dystopic theme - looking forward to see where you go with it.
Agree w/ sirene: has tastes of Equilibrium, along with THX-1138, and maybe a bit of Brazil (but quieter). The viewpoint switching confused me a bit at first, but I think that could be fixed simply by an extra blank line or two between his and her viewpoints.
If you want to immerse yourself in a dystopic mind-set marathon, there's a list at http://snarkerati.com/movie-news/the-top-50-dystopian-movies-of-all-time/
Some on the list I don't see as dystopic, like Starship Troopers and Escape from New York, but there are some really good ones there, including the above as well as ones like Metropolis, Fahrenheit 451 and more.
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Agree w/ sirene: has tastes of Equilibrium, along with THX-1138, and maybe a bit of Brazil (but quieter). The viewpoint switching confused me a bit at first, but I think that could be fixed simply by an extra blank line or two between his and her viewpoints.
If you want to immerse yourself in a dystopic mind-set marathon, there's a list at http://snarkerati.com/movie-news/the-top-50-dystopian-movies-of-all-time/
Some on the list I don't see as dystopic, like Starship Troopers and Escape from New York, but there are some really good ones there, including the above as well as ones like Metropolis, Fahrenheit 451 and more.