Your picture rests on my shelf Just as it did before you left But even the though it may look the same The frame is broken And the photo is torn in my eyes -- Better with the first line being photo instead of picture, then you can change the torn line into "And the picture torn" so it will match the short frame sentence better. --- Because you are no longer here with me And the shadows on the wall show it --- Again, it would likely be better shorter. Try removing "with me" and "it" at the ends. --- We used to be one And now I’m just a half Without you, I am not complete There used to be two white doves on the shelf Now there’s only one The lonesome one And no other dove can take its place --- This reads like the lonesome dove can't be replaced by another dove, rather than (I assume) replacing the spot of the bird that left. --- Even though I may move on in this life You’ll always have that special place In my heart…". --- Better impact if you remove the last line. Heart is kind of Hallmark-y.
no subject
Just as it did before you left
But even the though it may look the same
The frame is broken
And the photo is torn in my eyes
--
Better with the first line being photo instead of picture, then you can change the torn line into "And the picture torn" so it will match the short frame sentence better.
---
Because you are no longer here with me
And the shadows on the wall show it
---
Again, it would likely be better shorter. Try removing "with me" and "it" at the ends.
---
We used to be one
And now I’m just a half
Without you, I am not complete
There used to be two white doves on the shelf
Now there’s only one
The lonesome one
And no other dove can take its place
---
This reads like the lonesome dove can't be replaced by another dove, rather than (I assume) replacing the spot of the bird that left.
---
Even though I may move on in this life
You’ll always have that special place
In my heart…".
---
Better impact if you remove the last line. Heart is kind of Hallmark-y.