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writers_loft2008-06-04 11:33 pm
orchard-mnt.livejournal.com) wrote in writers_loft2008-06-04 11:33 pm
editing help requested
I'm stuck.
This third part of the sixth chapter introduces another secondary character. I'm trying to describe a dinner dress she's helping my primary female lead change into. It's a made over child's dress. I'm trying to compliment this thing and tell how it's different from and better than my character's other clothes, because it feels more comfortable on her newly pregnant body. I've missed the mark somehow. I've highlighted this awful paragraph in red.
I think the rest of the 945 words flow well. What do you think?
This third part of the sixth chapter introduces another secondary character. I'm trying to describe a dinner dress she's helping my primary female lead change into. It's a made over child's dress. I'm trying to compliment this thing and tell how it's different from and better than my character's other clothes, because it feels more comfortable on her newly pregnant body. I've missed the mark somehow. I've highlighted this awful paragraph in red.
I think the rest of the 945 words flow well. What do you think?