I think my issue is that while many writers only need to go back and take a brief look, as their writings come out as they should, my story comes out mangled on the page. First word, and so on.

It's as if my brain and my hands have a conspiracy to butcher what my heart wants to say.

And because my sixth or seventh draft is worse off than other writer's first draft, I can understand why all my beta readers run away.

So I am hoping to learn something if anyone went through this. Because editors won't care what's my native language, if the written piece in English is a #$@#.