New writer!

[electric-wish.livejournal.com]

Hello community! :)
New writer here with a piece of fiction posted behind the cut. Please read and let me know what you thought of it!

Title: Spoken Words
Author: Me!
Genre: Fiction
Rating: R for language
Warnings: Language
Summary: After a night out, two best friends chat over the phone and revelations leave one of them speechless.
Author's Note: The whole idea behind this was to write something with a simple premise, but which hints at a lot more going on behind the scenes between the characters. Here's hoping it worked. :)

 

Spoken Words

 

For a long time James ran over the conversation in his head. He lay in bed, the phone was put down, and there wasn’t a sound in the house except for his own breathing. They had been on the phone for nearly two hours, and James had been experiencing the most mixed range of emotions he had even felt in such a short space of time. He was so glad that Russell had rang him, that he wanted to talk to him about this sort of stuff. But then all the information he had been told just made him upset, made him irritated, made him want to smack his best friend on the back of the head. So much just stood out in his head and he had learned more about Russell in the space of the past hour than he had over the last six years.

 

*

 

“I love her, James, I fucking love her.”

 

He said it with such heart-wrenching sureness, as if he was twisting a knife into his heart while he spoke the words. There was no doubt in James’s mind that it was true. And then, straight after, Russell’s opinion flipped and he’s talking crap about how he “wouldn’t mind if she broke up with me now,” the biggest lie he could have gone with. “You’ve said it yourself, we’re great together.” It’s as if he needed James’s confirmation that, yes, they are great together. And James tells him everything he wants to hear, not lying because it’s true – they’re practically the same person; stubborn, independent, and unsure about their emotions.

 

In a way, the irony of the situation makes James want to laugh out loud. The fact that Russell is so annoyed that she won’t talk to him, that she won’t discuss her feelings and her problems with him – that’s just ironic. Because for the last few months that’s exactly what had been happening between them, between James and Russell, and Russell doesn’t seem to realise. James takes it as a small victory, glad that Russell can feel just the way he feels when the question “Are you alright?” is met with lies and smiles.

 

Russell sighs at the other end of the phone. “I haven’t told anyone this, James, no one, so please don’t tell a soul –”

 

“Russ, c’mon, you know I’m not like that.”

 

“Addiction runs in my family, and I’m not gonna tell you with who or whatever, but it does.”

 

That came as a total shock to the system. And then Russell comes out with another one, “I’ve got a gambling problem”, and without the knowledge of how much time his friend spends in the bookies James might not have believed him. It all begins to slowly make sense, though having consumed his share of alcohol that night didn’t exactly help. Both of them had been drinking that night, in separate groups, and Russell had consumed far more than James. Still, James had his wits about him, even if Russ didn’t. “Do you see now why I don’t drink all the time when we’re having parties and stuff?” Russell says. And James nearly has to kick himself, because whenever Russ told him that he wasn’t going to be drinking at a party James had been a condescending prick to him, trying to convince him to have a few. If he had known – Christ, if he had known he would probably have clapped him on the back with pride – he wouldn’t have been like that.

 

James sighs, “Because you’re afraid you might become addicted.”

 

He can practically hear Russell smile at the other end, his point has gotten across. “Its just cause Dad – oh. Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

Oh fuck. James thinks. Russell’s dad has an alcohol problem? Fuck.

 

“James, please don’t tell anyone, I’ve never told anyone that before and –”

 

“It’s alright, man. I won’t tell anyone.” James says weakly, his brain is screaming, too much information intake. He never knew. How could he have? And suddenly he feels annoyed at his friend, his best friend, the same guy that early had confirmed that for him through a drunken text that read “Call me for a heart to heart tonight or we ain’t best friends anymore.” He’s so annoyed; he basically just has to ask him.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” James says through gritted teeth.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why the fuck don’t you talk to me? Why can’t you say this stuff to me?” James knows he sounds pathetic, but he’s always, always told Russell that he’s there for him.

 

“Because I don’t work like that. No offence right – and please don’t take offence about this – but you’re the type of person who needs to talk to other people about his problems. I bottle them up, I feel like I have to deal with them myself because that’s what I’ve been brought up believing, and I do believe it.” Throughout the whole conversation James had been hearing Russell’s voice verging on the edge of cracking and he hears it again. Its all James can do to hold it together himself; he can hardly believe all the crap he’s hearing.

 

“Even if people try to help?”

 

“People shouldn’t try to help. It’s my shit and I deal with it.”

 

“Some people want to help, Russ.” James says softly.

 

“Every time you ask me if I’m okay, if I’m alright, or what’s wrong, I want to tell you. I want to, but I don’t want to involve you in it. The last time you asked me if I was ok, I threw my phone at the wall. And it wasn’t because I was annoyed at you – because I wasn’t – I was annoyed at myself.”

 

*

 

James eventually falls asleep. His brain just gives out, unable to come up with a way to fix the problems laid out before it, and he drifts off to a simpler world. Though before he does, he makes one important realisation; that tomorrow, despite all that was said between them, he and Russell would be exactly how they were as if the conversation didn’t take place. Sure, it would be deep rooted in the back of their minds, but nothing would be said. It’s been like that before – back when Russell had gotten way too drunk on a night out in order to forget about one of his old friends dying, and then ending up staying at James’ place. Russell had confessed a lot back then too, and he had ended up in James’ arms, crying into his shoulder. But nothing had been said the day after about it. A simple “Alright?” from James and a nod from Russell secured it, and it was forgotten about.

 

So when they do speak the next day, it’s only about the hilarious antics they had gotten up to the night before while drunk. And between the stories of stolen ‘For Sale’ signs and electric fences is the silent confirmation that each of them needs. No matter what happens, at the very least they will have each other.