http://nontu.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] nontu.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] writers_loft 2009-07-31 06:11 pm (UTC)

Taking your English as Second Language status into account, I think it reads quite well. This part I'd edit, though:

"his hands looked like the paws of a bear, his face was like the face of a wild animal, his smell was the one of a skunk"

This combined with the appearance of an actual wolf later on just doesn't read well. I think you should simplify it. Something like "his hands looked huge, his face was wild and a vile stench surrounded him" or the like, removing the 'like this type of animal' bits. Otherwise the mental image in the reader's head is like an actual bear-skunk soldier. Be careful with similes and metaphores. It's usually better to stick with just the facts, ma'am.

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