First of all, I would watch your use of adjectives. "Dank" often implies humidity, and if it's snowing outside, I doubt it's very humid. Also, "cryztalized snow" is kind of redundant -- much like saying "wet water" would be.

My suggestion: "She could hear the storm raging outside as she huddled within the dreary, congested cabin. Snowflakes tapped raucously against the window and the voilent winds from the storm shook the cabin door." (Not exactly, of course, but you catch my drift.)

Also, as someone else said, watch for spelling, grammar, and punctuation issues. If you need any help, I am very available to help you! :) I am currently planning on becoming a copy editor (that specializes in fiction) in the future, and editing others' work is great practice for me! But, that's just a thought...

By the way, you do a wonderful job making Jack sound terrifying. Very good!