Question for you all

[bigfrog76.livejournal.com]

 Would this first line make you want to read more?


When my half-brother’s Sage and Gabriel asked if I’d like to join them in opening a business I jumped at the chance figuratively speaking since I am in a wheelchair. 

Thanks

Comments

[tia-junan.livejournal.com]

It would be more interesting if I knew what kind of business it was. it might have more impact that way if, say, it was a venture where a wheelchair might be expected to be a hindrance, idk, such as skydiving school or something.

Also, I'm not sure if the possessive 'half-brother's' is correct.

I usually find the first person very personal and engaging and would probably want to read more considering the first person here tells me I'm going to get a unique life perspective.

The half brothers names are unique and interesting.

For what it's worth - from ki