Question for you all
Mar. 29th, 2008 05:51 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
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Would this first line make you want to read more?
When my half-brother’s Sage and Gabriel asked if I’d like to join them in opening a business I jumped at the chance figuratively speaking since I am in a wheelchair.
Thanks
When my half-brother’s Sage and Gabriel asked if I’d like to join them in opening a business I jumped at the chance figuratively speaking since I am in a wheelchair.
Thanks
no subject
Date: 2008-03-30 12:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-30 01:20 am (UTC)To me the whole concept of a single "first line" that will hook the reader is flawed. Yes, the first line will determine whether I read the second. If it's bloody awful, the book closes. However, I will usually read at least the first paragraph, no matter what.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-30 05:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-30 11:41 am (UTC)In my opinion, your first sentence isn't a strong one. You give information that isn't relevant at the beginning (my half-brothers, I am in a wheelchair) and you use a cliche "jump at the chance". The expression "figuratively speaking" draws me out of the story when I'm just stepping in.
Laine
no subject
Date: 2008-04-13 11:51 pm (UTC)It would be more interesting if I knew what kind of business it was. it might have more impact that way if, say, it was a venture where a wheelchair might be expected to be a hindrance, idk, such as skydiving school or something.
Also, I'm not sure if the possessive 'half-brother's' is correct.
I usually find the first person very personal and engaging and would probably want to read more considering the first person here tells me I'm going to get a unique life perspective.
The half brothers names are unique and interesting.
For what it's worth - from ki