Question for you all

[bigfrog76.livejournal.com]

 Would this first line make you want to read more?


When my half-brother’s Sage and Gabriel asked if I’d like to join them in opening a business I jumped at the chance figuratively speaking since I am in a wheelchair. 

Thanks

Comments

[wordswoman.livejournal.com]

Perhaps, but you'd need to fix the spelling and punctuation errors. If an editor sees mistakes like that in the very first sentence, your submission is history.