Question for you all

[bigfrog76.livejournal.com]

 Would this first line make you want to read more?


When my half-brother’s Sage and Gabriel asked if I’d like to join them in opening a business I jumped at the chance figuratively speaking since I am in a wheelchair. 

Thanks

Comments

[sh-laine.livejournal.com]

For me, the opening sentence isn't the deciding factor. I read the first 250-300 words (about a half a page) before I decide. While I like strong opening sentences and even more strong first paragraphs, I expect the writer to give me the reason to read further on the first page. I want to find something that I care about and the initial orientation into the story. Voice is important, too.

In my opinion, your first sentence isn't a strong one. You give information that isn't relevant at the beginning (my half-brothers, I am in a wheelchair) and you use a cliche "jump at the chance". The expression "figuratively speaking" draws me out of the story when I'm just stepping in.

Laine