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[flamingruby.livejournal.com]

I finally finished a basic profile for one of the heroes of "Gemsinger", and need feedback:

Name: Bradlin Drakewing (or just Brad to those that know him)

Age: about 14-16

Class: Apprentice dragoon (at the start of book 1)

Physical appearance: Tall, tough and wiry build, black hair, blue eyes

Personality: Ever since he first saw a dragon heading for the mountains when he was a child, Brad dreamed of becoming a dragoon very much like the ones in stories. Since that time, he has become well known in the Dragon Order for his sense of humor, loyalty to his friends, energetic attitude, and firey temper if angered.

But what started as an innocent trip to the river nearby the Neverwinter Wood to mine magical stones with his friend Miresa took an epic turn when he learned that Miresa was the Gemsinger! Sensing an opportunity to prove himself as a dragoon, he offered to guide and protect his friend, unaware of the many adventures their journey would bring.

 

Equipment:

Weapon: Dragoon's Lance

Body: Silver Scale Mail

Hands: Gloves of the Fire Singer

Legs: Silver Scale Leggings

Feet: Shoes of the Seer

Comments

[cat-mcdougall.livejournal.com]

Not to be too snarky, but:

Neverwinter Wood: Straight out of Neverwinter Nights? The video game?

Equipment: Again, it reads like something out of a video game, or D&D or any other paper/computer RPG.

I think you really, really need to go back and redo this, and get it away from the AD&D stuff that seems to be an overarching theme with your character.

[flamingruby.livejournal.com]

It's just a first draft, so the game references might disappear between now and the final product.