Sorry!

[rosetenshipper.livejournal.com]

Sorry sorry sorry! I didn't mean to post my thing the way I did. Sorry! Ugh now I feel like a douche. I didn't mean to take up so much space with giantic fonts and spacing and shit....sorry sorry sorry! I'm a noob...I am uber sorry.

Chapter One:

BATTLE OF THE CONFIDENCE MONSTER

 Luke Dresden’s black, 1964, hardtop mustang was stuck in the honking gridlock of cars that frequented the New York City streets. The mustang had no air conditioning, so he had his windows rolled down in an attempt to escape the summer heat. He flicked the end of his cigarette once, took a puff then shoved the butt into his ashtray. That was the sixth one he’d smoked in five minutes.

You’re doing the right thing, he thought, this needs to end.

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel along with the quick beat of the latest Coldplay song.

Music has changed so much, he laughed to himself. He missed the days of Salieri and Beethoven; of harpsichords, operas, and symphonies.

Chris Martin’s sleek British droll faded and Katy Perry’s impish tones danced out of the speakers and into Luke’s pierced ears.

            “You’re hot then you’re cold; you’re yes then you’re no...”

            Luke chuckled behind his mirrored aviators. How appropriate, he thought.

His minded wandered through the hundreds of times he had dragged himself out of his cozy, upstate New York, bungalow and forced his ass to that same bar. He reflected on all the times he had built up the hope that she’d forgive him and let him go home and how she crushed it with her unforgiving verbal stilettos. He wondered if she got some sort of satisfaction out of breaking his heart every ten years or so.

He had pleaded his case hundreds of thousands of times but he was tired of it. He was tired of trying. Tired of hoping. He shook his head.

“No more. Today’s gonna be different. No more.” Out of those very words, Luke’s confidence monster was born. It reared its head back and roared.

A yellow taxi cab pulled out in front of him. He slammed on his brakes launching the ashes out of his ashtray.

            He honked and flipped the taxi driver the bird. “What the fuck? Are you blind? God damn taxis.” He brushed the fragments of former cigarettes from his black V-neck t-shirt and dark washed Levis. He hated the city. 

            A McDonald’s delivery truck lurched forward revealing the faded red brick façade of his destination. The bar’s windows were decorated with shamrocks and overflowing Guinness mugs celebrating its Irish owner.

His stomach tightened. “Shit. Okay. You can do this.”

            He maneuvered into a parking spot in front of the bar. A sign baring the name McKee’s swung back and forth in the wind beckoning him.

“Don’t let her guilt you,” he repeated aloud, “don’t let her guilt you God damn it.”

The sun warmed his skin as he shrugged into his leather jacket. His silver cross shimmered in the side mirror of his mustang. He squeezed between the front of his car and the back of an auspicious 2009 white Porsche 997. The license plate read ALMGHTY1. He rolled his eyes. She was already there.

Luke ran his hand through his hair. “Be brave. Who’s the man? You da man!”

He shook like he was readying himself to walk onto a stage. His monster purred in support. Luke opened the dark wood door of McKee’s.

            The smoke from men’s cigars swirled in the daylight. He scanned the stools at the bar. She sat alone in all her beautifully tanned, 36’’ 24’’ 36’’ glory. One of the heels of her black stiletto boots was hooked onto the barstool’s foot rail while the other dangled above it. The rest of her outfit was hidden underneath a long white trench coat. Her auburn locks fell down past her shoulder to the middle of her back, swaying as she flirted with the bartender. He remembered burying his face in that hair with laughter one Saturday morning. They had made love all night. He remembered the smoothness of her skin sliding beneath his hands, the cherry-blossom scent of her neck as he covered it in kisses, and the fact that her lips always tasted like pears. They were so exhausted that even sleep evaded them. They stayed up into the wee hours of the morning talking about nothing and making shadow puppets on her wall as the sun rose. 

“Stop it,” he hissed, “don’t be a pussy!”

            As if on cue, she turned to see him standing in the doorway. Her eyes appraised him. His hands itched to run over her body just one more time. He forced himself to remember why he was meeting her and his confidence monster growled.

            Fake enthusiasm plastered itself across her face. “Hey!” She waved him over.

            Luke took off his sunglasses and shoved them into the neck of his shirt and walked toward her.

She shoved her hand out to him; the huge purple amethyst atop her gold ring sparkled as she wiggled her fingers. He took her smooth, moisturized hand in his and kissed the ring. His monster gurgled, sensing its enemy.

Luke felt her stiffened as his lips touched her skin. The sweat rushed to the pores in her palms. She swallowed hard. 

She’s nervous, he thought. Good.

            “Adriella, you’re looking well.”

            “Thank you, Luke.” He cringed at the sound of her voice saying his name. “You’re looking quite well yourself.”

            Luke’s heart filled with love for the woman sitting in front of him. She wrenched her hand from Luke’s grasp. “And its Addie, for the billionth time,” she said, “you know how I hate it when you call me Adriella.”

Luke rubbed the side of his neck. “Sorry.” This was gonna be harder than he thought.

            Adriella shrugged out of her trench revealing a very short black miniskirt, and a sequined red halter top. Her tan cleavage bounced with every pop of her shoulders. His gaze froze on her chest. A silver cross, identical to the one he was sporting, rested between her breasts. She weaved the chain between her fingers flirtatiously.

            “I’m up her, pervert.” Her voice was harsh yet playful. Luke blinked repeatedly and forced his gaze to her eyes.

            She flipped back her long hair. “You look like an idiot just standing there like that. Sit down.”

“I’d rather stand,” he grumbled.

            “Whatever.” She leaned over the bar and snapped at the bartender. “Hey Terry, get his drink will ya?”

            Terry winked at her, poured a whiskey on the rocks and slid it down the bar. Luke caught the drink without spilling a drop. He knew that he couldn’t get drunk but he felt that having the whiskey near him made him stronger. He stared at Adriella wishing that he could kiss her.

            She reached forward and twisted a lock of hair around her finger. “You’ve let your hair grow; it’s nearly past your shoulders. It’s more blonde too,” his heart fluttered, “you shouldn’t go out into the sun so much.” She flipped his own hair back into his face.

Luke pulled his hair back into a pony tail at the nape of his neck. You’re over her! You’re over her! Stay focused, he thought.

            He could feel Addie staring at his biceps and smirked.

She cleared her throat.

            “Stop showing off your muscles and sit down,” she patted the empty bar stool next to her, “and who the hell wears a leather jacket in ninety-five degree weather? Take it off.”

He sat, but didn’t remove his jacket. Fuck her, he thought, I like the damn jacket. The monster whined a warning.

She looked out of the tops of her eyes as she took a sip from her Cosmo. “Still the rebel then I see. So, is anything new and exciting happening in your life?”

            He snorted. “Life, is that what we’re calling this now?”

            She rolled her eyes.

“You know perfectly well that nothing’s happening; you’ve watched me like a hawk since you kicked my sorry ass out.”

She took another sip. “Oh, don’t be such a drama queen.”

She brushed her hand on his arm playfully then smacked it. “I don’t know if you heard, but Gabriel and I are lovers now.”

Luke’s stomach lurched. No, he didn’t know that the love of his life was now fucking his former best friend. Vomit rose up his throat. He swallowed hard.

Adriella took yet another sip of her Cosmo. “I know, I’m dating my secretary, how cliché, but he’s fantastic in bed! Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been with anyone you could satisfy me the way he does.”

Luke took a swig of his whiskey.

 “I mean you were alright, but Gabriel is just, un-fucking-believable!”

The monster growled.

 “He’s just so…big, you know?”

His jaw tightened.

“Oh, and he does this fantastic thing with his tongue where he—“

“Look Addie, I really don’t give a shit about you and Gabriel. I came here to talk to you about something important so, if you don’t mind,” he sighed, “could you shut the fuck up about your new boyfriend?” He stared straight into her eyes. His monster bared its teeth.

She rolled her eyes again. “Christ Luke, calm down. Jesus, you know you should really learn to control that temper of yours,” she raised her right eyebrow, “That’s what got you into this whole mess in the first place, isn’t it? Well, that and your pride.” 

Luke’s monster yelped as Adriella’s truth bullets ripped through its flesh. The wounds were painful but not fatal. The beast would still fight.

Adriella continued her rant. “I know you blame me for all of this, but we both remember what happened don’t we,” she smiled, “you were the one who pushed too hard, reached too high. I mean, it was one thing to want to be as close to me as you were. Who wouldn’t? I know you weren’t the only one. But trying to take the throne from me?” She raised her pinkish drink to her lips once more.

The monster growled as more bullets riddled its body.

He threw his arms into the air. “Oh come on Addie, how can you still believe that?”

She was silent.

 “How many times do I have to say it? All I wanted was an equal relationship! I couldn’t have given less of a shit about your fucking throne,” he smoothed out his hair, “I was just so fucking tired of you looking at me like a child! I wanted you to respect me. ”

He looked down. “I wanted you to see me as the man you loved not some fucking toy!” He drained the contents of his glass and rested it onto the wood of the bar.

Adriella rolled her eyes and tapped his glass, instantly filling it. “Luke, Luke, Luke. When will you understand? You are a child.”

He scoffed and took a swig of his fresh whiskey.                               

She leaned close enough to kiss him. “I created you. You can’t be equal to me. Not ever.” 

He slammed the glass onto the bar; half of his whiskey splashed out making a mess. “Why then?” He shouted, ignoring the surprised stares of the other patrons. “Why did you let me fall in love with you? Why did you let me believe that you loved me?”

Luke’s monster moaned; it knew these questions were dangerous. The answers were undoubtedly poisonous to them both.

Adriella stared at him in shock. Her features softened.

“I did love you.” She grabbed his hand; he pulled it away refusing to look at her. “I did what needed to be done. I couldn’t have you around the rest of them spreading that disorder, that sin!”

“Sin? I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that fighting to save the relationship you love was a sinful act,” he stared past her, “you let our fight become a war. How could you watch so many of us fall?”  

He looked into her eyes. “How could you watch me fall?”

She returned a firm stare. “I did what had to be done.”

The confidence monster whined in pain, pleading with its master not to let the bitch kill it.

“You had to leave Luke; you and all those who agreed with you. I will not be contradicted. I had to teach you a lesson and that’s why you and all your sick, twisted, little followers will never be allowed to come back. Never.” She glowered at him, her eyes burning with authority.

More bullets hit Luke’s monster as it tried to limp to safety.

 “You haven’t changed at all have you?” He glared at her. “Still as cold and unforgiving as the day of the flood.”

 She shook her head. “Don’t bring humanity into this. This is about you and me, not them.”

“Why shouldn’t it be about them too? They reject you, forget you, defile your name, and yet you have shown each and every one of them more mercy than I have ever known from you!”

“Oh, and what am I supposed to do abandon them?”

“You abandoned me!”

“I will not be contradicted!” She slammed her glass onto the bar shattering it to pieces.

“God,” he dropped his head as if to pray, “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t sit here every ten years and let you break my fucking heart over and over again.” He looked at her again, “Goodbye Addie. Have a good existence.”

He finished off his whiskey, stood and walked away. His monster lifted its head with hope.

Did I just win? Luke’s head was reeling. He couldn’t have won; not against her. No one beats her! I just accomplished the impossible! His smile grew with every step.

“You broke my heart first, Lucifer, you never seem to remember that.”

Luke froze inches from freedom. Hearing his true name felt like getting shot in the head by a double barrel shotgun, at point blank range. His monster cried out and fell.

 “Why couldn’t you just have stayed my Morning Star,” her voice shook, “I will never forgive you for the pain you’ve caused me.”

He didn’t turn around; he didn’t want to see the carnage; he didn’t want to see her tears. “You don’t love me at all do you?”

“You were my favorite of all of them. Now, you’re just an immortal thorn in my side.”

Luke’s shoulders slumped; so much for accomplishing the impossible.

He shoved against the bar’s door, “see you in ten years—My Sheppard.”

As stumbled out into the summer heat, Adriella’s harsh laughter followed him.