[identity profile] magickeyboard.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] writers_loft

Using the comments everyone gave me on the chapter I posted I've done some edits to try and improve it and would love some more feedback on how succesful or not succesful I was in that regard. I definitely appreciated all of the reviews I recieved the first time. :-)

So here's the edited chapter posted on my journal:

Day in the Life
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