book

[musicfly.livejournal.com]

  I have started to write a book, but could use some good feedback. So please read it.

thanks!

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

Many people may think that this is not true, but unless you have lived it you will not understand it. Love is one of the strongest things in our lives and it has to take a harsh beating to die. The love you have has to take a massive beating for you to not know how to replenish it. You have to hurt someone so much that it is not worth it anymore. You have to do everything in your power to try and kill it. You have to push one another to your limits and the love you share to the breaking point. You have to be selfish and unkind. You have to try your best to make someone be in so much pain that they can’t believe in love anymore. Even after all of this, love still may not die. It may just be too hard to believe in it that you just give up altogether.

Love is the one thing in life that connects people on a level that is unimaginable. It is what we live for and it makes us want to live. When people say “falling in love” I never really got it, but when I fell in love, I never realized you actually fell. It is an action you cannot control and cannot change. You do not get to decide who you love, you just do. The one thing you can do is fight like hell to stay in love and stay with them.

Most people think that falling in love changes you, if it does then it changes you into who you were meant to be. The person you always wanted to be and were always meant to be. That’s how you can tell if you are in love, by seeing if you love who you are when you are with someone. Someone that makes you a better person and makes you live out your dreams.

I know this because I have been there; I have let love die. I let it go and I gave up and it was not by choice. He was the one that gave up, but he was telling me I was giving up. The thing was he never really was willing to give in and maybe I wasn’t either. We both were never willing to let in the love we had. We could not handle the fact that we were there for each other all the time, not just when we needed the other person.

Many people don’t let others in the way we let each other in and don’t really know how. I think it is because it is so hard to imagine letting someone else in, that it is even harder to let someone else in; to trust them enough to tell them all those little secrets and all of your problems. It takes people years to do this, but it took us no time at all.

This may sound like some stupid rant, but it is in fact the pain that is left from the love we let die. It was not one of those little high school loves. It was one of those epic life-changing, heart-wrenching loves. I was so young, but I never felt more alive. He came in at the one time I needed him the most and I will always love him for that.

You might think that I am still with him, but I am not. In fact, it has been 10 years since I have seen him or since we have spoken. The thing is our love died so long ago and I let him go; now it looks like he is back in my life. I never wanted to let him go and I don’t believe he wanted to let me go either, but we both just let the other one go. We both lied to each other and our self that it was for the best and it was meant to be. The thing was we both knew that was not true, I guess now it's safe to say sincerity has become a lost art these days.

Before I tell you what caused it to end, you need to know our story. You need to know every fight, every laugh, every time we helped one another, because you will not understand what happen until you know the beginning. The truth is I still don’t even know what happened; it was such a blurry, messy, four years with him.