In both this piece and the other one you posted, you're punctuating dialogue incorrectly.
If you're adding a tag that describes who said something or how they said it, like "he said" or "she muttered" or "he whispered" onto the end of a bit of dialogue, you don't end the sentence until after the tag. So you'd use a comma at the end of the bit of dialogue:
"You started it," he said childishly.
You would put a period at the end of the dialogue if you had something like...
"You started it." His tone was childish.
There's quite a few other little rules for this you should look up. Does this not get taught in school anymore? It seems like a really common gap in people's grammatical knowledge.
Just a bit of grammar
Date: 2009-10-25 07:38 pm (UTC)If you're adding a tag that describes who said something or how they said it, like "he said" or "she muttered" or "he whispered" onto the end of a bit of dialogue, you don't end the sentence until after the tag. So you'd use a comma at the end of the bit of dialogue:
"You started it," he said childishly.
You would put a period at the end of the dialogue if you had something like...
"You started it." His tone was childish.
There's quite a few other little rules for this you should look up. Does this not get taught in school anymore? It seems like a really common gap in people's grammatical knowledge.