Ah, To Kill a Mockingbird. Brings me back to my sophomore year of high school. :)
It's great that you start out the essay by touching upon the mood of the story. A criticism here would be to look back over the grammar. An initial suggestion:
You have "In To Kill a Mockingbird [by Harper Lee] shows..." -- You'll need to remove the word 'in' at the beginning so that it reads accurately. And actually, I would probably change up the order of the sentence to state the mood first and book title later... "An unmistakable mood of empathy lines the pages of To Kill a Mockingbird and is amplified most evidently by the beloved father character Atticus Finch."
Also you mention relating to this particular character but then never go on to explain how. Without shifting the essay into the first person too terribly, choose an aspect of Atticus's outlook on life that makes you feel you can relate to him and express how... "Atticus Finch's saavy for remaining positive and determined even when life lays a complicated path is an asset I myself strive to embrace." Then go on from there to cite examples from the story that reinforce the character's positivity and determination.
Lastly, you really want your ending paragraph to read as succinct and convincing. Currently it seems elusive: [in reasons that I cannot begin to explain]-- find reasons!! [because I've already tried thinking in that way]-- what way? Express it in words. [to respect people's opinions because... everyone has their own opinions]-- don't repeat yourself. Redundancy is very obvious when it's in the same sentence.
I appreciate the first line of this paragraph when you mention that a good book means losing a friend as you read the last sentence, but then you contradict yourself almost immediately by saying that many parts of the story were boring. Use the concluding paragraph to emphasize the key points of Atticus's personality that create the mood of empathy you mention in the first paragraph... "You know it's a good book when you read the last sentence and feel as though you've lost a friend. In a story such as To Kill a Mockingbird, where the integrity and compassion of its main character entice the reader to question his or her own values, it's easy to understand why the power of Lee's words could come to feel like an old friend."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-03-18 05:58 pm (UTC)It's great that you start out the essay by touching upon the mood of the story. A criticism here would be to look back over the grammar. An initial suggestion:
You have "In To Kill a Mockingbird [by Harper Lee] shows..." -- You'll need to remove the word 'in' at the beginning so that it reads accurately. And actually, I would probably change up the order of the sentence to state the mood first and book title later... "An unmistakable mood of empathy lines the pages of To Kill a Mockingbird and is amplified most evidently by the beloved father character Atticus Finch."
Also you mention relating to this particular character but then never go on to explain how. Without shifting the essay into the first person too terribly, choose an aspect of Atticus's outlook on life that makes you feel you can relate to him and express how... "Atticus Finch's saavy for remaining positive and determined even when life lays a complicated path is an asset I myself strive to embrace." Then go on from there to cite examples from the story that reinforce the character's positivity and determination.
Lastly, you really want your ending paragraph to read as succinct and convincing. Currently it seems elusive:
[in reasons that I cannot begin to explain]-- find reasons!!
[because I've already tried thinking in that way]-- what way? Express it in words.
[to respect people's opinions because... everyone has their own opinions]-- don't repeat yourself. Redundancy is very obvious when it's in the same sentence.
I appreciate the first line of this paragraph when you mention that a good book means losing a friend as you read the last sentence, but then you contradict yourself almost immediately by saying that many parts of the story were boring. Use the concluding paragraph to emphasize the key points of Atticus's personality that create the mood of empathy you mention in the first paragraph... "You know it's a good book when you read the last sentence and feel as though you've lost a friend. In a story such as To Kill a Mockingbird, where the integrity and compassion of its main character entice the reader to question his or her own values, it's easy to understand why the power of Lee's words could come to feel like an old friend."
Good luck!