Very interesting plot. The reflections she see really has me curious.
The story seems to "tell" more than "show" but this might be because of the explanations of each new character that shows up. Rather than having Cadence tell the reader about every character you can have the new character show some of the qualities that you want the reader to know. You can do this by the appearance of their outfits or just the things they do. Currently, some of the supporting characters seem to be very stereotypical such as Cadence's sister. Hopefully as the story goes on she'll show herself as being outside of the mold.
There also were a few confusing jumps in the story. It could have just been because I'm tired, but I got confused when they got to school and then suddenly she was talking to her mother since I didn't realize at first that her mother worked there and they were in her class. A to sentence could clear this up might be helpful.
All in all a good start to the story. I look forward to reading more!
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-04-08 08:54 am (UTC)The story seems to "tell" more than "show" but this might be because of the explanations of each new character that shows up. Rather than having Cadence tell the reader about every character you can have the new character show some of the qualities that you want the reader to know. You can do this by the appearance of their outfits or just the things they do. Currently, some of the supporting characters seem to be very stereotypical such as Cadence's sister. Hopefully as the story goes on she'll show herself as being outside of the mold.
There also were a few confusing jumps in the story. It could have just been because I'm tired, but I got confused when they got to school and then suddenly she was talking to her mother since I didn't realize at first that her mother worked there and they were in her class. A to sentence could clear this up might be helpful.
All in all a good start to the story. I look forward to reading more!