I really like what you've got so far. The humor and the tone do not take away, but make it more enjoyable. As a big fan of manga/anime, I have to say fantasy + humor = just fine, in fact I'm generally turned off by works that take themselves too seriously.
The only part I don't like is the explaination of where the boys come from. It's totally unnecessary and draws away from an otherwise engaging narrative. It's like just as I'm getting into watching the scene unfold, you personally step in and say 'by the way...' and then the scene resumes.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2008-04-14 09:34 pm (UTC)The only part I don't like is the explaination of where the boys come from. It's totally unnecessary and draws away from an otherwise engaging narrative. It's like just as I'm getting into watching the scene unfold, you personally step in and say 'by the way...' and then the scene resumes.
Given this, I would definetely continue reading.