Help with intro, yes/yes?

[prettyentrails.livejournal.com]

The intro to a story I'm writing is killing me. Feedback/critique would be greatly appreciated.<3

"Blood poured out with each passing second. A young girl lurched down a city sidewalk, arms wrapped tight around her torso in an attempt to hold in the gushing blood. “Breathe,” she commanded herself, taking in a shaky breath of crisp night air. She kept one hand beneath her jacket, pressing firmly into her gut to try and keep the bullet wound closed. Seconds ticked by, draining away her life with each slipping moment. Stumbling unsteadily down the lamp-lit city street, teeth clamped shut, she scanned the dark horizon for a sympathetic stranger. “Just…breathe…” Her fingers curled tighter into her shirt. “Keep walking…almost…there…”

Suddenly she saw someone across the street stop and stare, expression twisted in curiosity. She froze. With a small smile, she straightened up and waved. The girl’s name was Kasey; Kasey Caiden. The seventeen-year-old hadn’t really been shot; but sometimes she liked to pretend.

It made time pass quicker.

Picking up a normal stroll, she resumed her now nightly trudge to the coffee shop down the street. To be honest, it wasn’t her idea to walk around pretending she had been shot. She got it from The Catcher in the Rye, and the more she tried it out, the more fun it was. It did earn her some weird glances, though. Go figure. Letting her eyelids slip shut for a moment, she breathed in the warm September air and smiled. She felt another gun fight coming on."