Feedback, please?

[hyperfoxkit.livejournal.com]

So I have been writing for as long as I can remember, my first full story being completed when I was around eight (five pages was a lot back then) and being lost to time.  Anyway, even now, I continue to write and yet, I feel as if it is never good enough and would really like some decent feedback.  My friends tell my my stories are good, but I don't know how much I can trust their opinions being as they are my friends.

I would really appreciate if I could get some decent feedback, constructive criticism, and other things on that nature on some of my stories.  Be as harsh as you feel is necessary as long as you feel it can help.

Thank you in advance.

The link to the story.  hyperfoxkit.livejournal.com/1970.html