Untitled work - Part one of chapter one. Fixing it up.

[justnyxie.livejournal.com]

I have been a long time lurker on here and finally got up the courage to post. 
This is a short extract from my new project (yet to be named). Long story short, it's about a serial killer and his house mate. I won't give away any more because, really, you don't need it.

All I ask is that you glance over this, give me your suggestions (grammer, characters etc) and comment. I am pleased with it but not entirely happy. It is only a draft, and I am determined to finish it, but it would be lovely to get some opinions and advice. 

( "Delightful. I suppose I owe you a thank you for not turning me away?" )