Taking criticism well is something that everyone learns to do no matter what the criticism is about -- writing, sports, work.
You said, I realise people aren't doing it to hurt my feelings, but I think I'm just too attached to my work; this is invariably why most people starting out in any field throw hissy fits at the mention that their work is a little substandard. I've thrown some spectacular hissy fits in my time, years ago when I first started showing people my work, but I've gotten better about receiving criticism because:
It's not about me. It's about people genuinely wanting to help improve the work.
There's a disclaimer to that where not all of the help is the help you need, so you would have to tell these people what sort of criticism you want to receive. Is it grammar and spelling? Do you want help with the dialogue? Do people feel that your characters are likable (or not)? Do they understand the story you're trying to tell?
Specifying what sort of criticism you'd like to have can help reduce the "No! It's my baby! You don't understand!" monster that invariably rises up when someone answers the "So did you like it?" question with a pause and a faint cringe.
Another way is, if you're too close to your own work, put it aside for weeks, months, however long that it takes for you to go back to it and say, "Hey, I wrote this?" This detaches you from your own work, hopefully enough that you won't feel like every suggestion for improvement isn't a stab in your heart.
The bonus of putting it aside for that long is that when you return to it, you can self-edit the writing a lot more honestly. You should see the massacre after I've gone through a document I haven't looked at in months.
Another way is to offer to criticize other people's work. Unless you really, really, really don't like the person, your psyche wakes up and realizes that it's never about the person who wrote it, but more about how the person reviewing the work perceives it, good and bad, and how to make the story more appealing to that one person (or more).
What it really comes down to is whether you are writing for yourself (in which case you can lock your stories in a trunk and keep them safe from the evil marauders with the poisonous red pens) -- which is what you do when you start writing any story --, or if you're writing for an audience (in which case you have to release it to the wild and be prepared for it to be eaten by the first pack of laughing reviewers who come along) -- which is what you do when you submit it for a grade or show it to your best friend.
But you'll get to the point where you learn to take criticism gracefully (at least in person, then retreat to safe quarters to throw a tantrum behind closed doors), at least eventually. If you're just starting out and getting criticism is new, it will take time to grow thicker skin. Nobody likes criticism, and the more you get it, the more you can distinguish which of it is actually useful to you, and which ones you can put aside.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-10-18 01:01 pm (UTC)You said, I realise people aren't doing it to hurt my feelings, but I think I'm just too attached to my work; this is invariably why most people starting out in any field throw hissy fits at the mention that their work is a little substandard. I've thrown some spectacular hissy fits in my time, years ago when I first started showing people my work, but I've gotten better about receiving criticism because:
It's not about me. It's about people genuinely wanting to help improve the work.
There's a disclaimer to that where not all of the help is the help you need, so you would have to tell these people what sort of criticism you want to receive. Is it grammar and spelling? Do you want help with the dialogue? Do people feel that your characters are likable (or not)? Do they understand the story you're trying to tell?
Specifying what sort of criticism you'd like to have can help reduce the "No! It's my baby! You don't understand!" monster that invariably rises up when someone answers the "So did you like it?" question with a pause and a faint cringe.
Another way is, if you're too close to your own work, put it aside for weeks, months, however long that it takes for you to go back to it and say, "Hey, I wrote this?" This detaches you from your own work, hopefully enough that you won't feel like every suggestion for improvement isn't a stab in your heart.
The bonus of putting it aside for that long is that when you return to it, you can self-edit the writing a lot more honestly. You should see the massacre after I've gone through a document I haven't looked at in months.
Another way is to offer to criticize other people's work. Unless you really, really, really don't like the person, your psyche wakes up and realizes that it's never about the person who wrote it, but more about how the person reviewing the work perceives it, good and bad, and how to make the story more appealing to that one person (or more).
What it really comes down to is whether you are writing for yourself (in which case you can lock your stories in a trunk and keep them safe from the evil marauders with the poisonous red pens) -- which is what you do when you start writing any story --, or if you're writing for an audience (in which case you have to release it to the wild and be prepared for it to be eaten by the first pack of laughing reviewers who come along) -- which is what you do when you submit it for a grade or show it to your best friend.
But you'll get to the point where you learn to take criticism gracefully (at least in person, then retreat to safe quarters to throw a tantrum behind closed doors), at least eventually. If you're just starting out and getting criticism is new, it will take time to grow thicker skin. Nobody likes criticism, and the more you get it, the more you can distinguish which of it is actually useful to you, and which ones you can put aside.
I hope this helps, and good luck!