First time post..

[artfulloser.livejournal.com]

So this is my first time posting here. I wrote a short story, and its actually the first story I've ever fully 'finished'. I was just wanting some feedback on it. Its a bit of Sci-Fi-ish, but written for a more general audience.

Enjoy!

The Hunter and the Beast

The Beast was close. The Hunter could smell him. His tracking system had been turned off hours ago. The Beast was too smart for that. This was a battle of instincts. This was a battle the Hunter would win.

The planet’s jungle was enormous, quite possibly covering more than a third of the entire planet. The largest trees grew almost half a mile in height. Undergrowth was plenty, the ground seeming to be made of a single plant itself. Vines thicker than a man’s arm tangled and choked everything in sight. The Hunter knew this meant the jungle was probably filled with an infinite number of dangers, but he was not afraid. The Beast he was hunting was a hundred times more devious, more dangerous, and more exciting than anything he would find on this backwater world.

Sunlight could not penetrate the dense tree cover above, leaving everything around the Hunter in a dark shadowed twilight. Animal sounds, all completely alien, surrounded the Hunter. His sense of smell was clouded by foreign scents, except for the distinct tangy, sharp musk of the Beast. Flowers of indescribable colors opened and closed slowly at the edges of his suit- and adrenaline-enhanced vision; each one a possible danger. The entire place was a stark contrast to the Hunter’s own world of desert, sun, and ocean. Even so, each planet was as uniquely hostile as the other.

Vegetation crunched underfoot as the Hunter took a step, cursing under his breath as he heard the noise. His skills were tight and at the peak, after two days of tracking the Beast. His muscles ached, but he knew his Bloodsuit would keep him going for at least a few more days, if not longer. The Hunter was a being bred for this; his people built their technology simply for the Hunt.

Darkness surrounded him. He felt like he could feel the planet breathe, feel its pulse through the trees he moved past. The Beast was nearby, either also silently stalking him, or hiding in wait.

The Hunter was ready. He held his great Takra Spear in his powerful hands, its shaft flickering with glowing blue light. Raising an arm the Hunter let forth a glowing pulse of blue fire from his Rakka-- a small, faceted thing, much like a crystal attached to the wrist and used as a ranged weapon. The blue fire burned like a flare as it glided past the enormous trunks of the silent trees. As it fell, the Hunter heard a soft clicking; a throaty sound he knew could only be one thing. Turning quickly, the Hunter found himself face to face with the Beast, its slick black carapace reflecting the blue fiery light of the flare. Surprise and fear thrust itself upon his heart, but only for a moment; before the thrill caught him. His adrenaline piqued, the Hunter raised his spear just as the Beast swung its powerful and boney tail.

The Beast roared in anger as its tail slammed into the now glowing Takra Spear. The blue lights arced with energy, causing the Beast to howl in pain and leap straight backwards, away from the Hunter and his powerful weapon. Parts of its flesh glowed with a red hot anger as it scrambled up the nearest tree with its six black appendages.

The Hunter let forth another bolt of energy from the Rakka at his wrist, missing the Beast by inches, causing a mass of undergrowth to burst into bluish flames. Heat and light filled the small clearing between the massive trunks. Although the Rakka was a powerful weapon against mundane objects, the Hunter knew that even just one bolt would not do enough damage to even slow the Beast. The creature before him was a being of devilish power and ferocity, its nature more deadly than any creature on this jungle world. But the Hunter himself was no mere warrior. He had hunted a Beast before. This was simply his first time hunting alone.

The Beast screeched again, now turning back toward the Hunter; he knew that now was not the time for mistakes. The Hunter lifted his spear, charging it with energy, just as the Beast leapt back around the small clearing toward him. The creature was taller than him, but thin, sleek, and hard as rock. Its four arms could break one of the enormous tree trunks around them in half. But the Hunter’s Bloodsuit was powerful also, covering him from head to toe in high-tech bio-armor. This fight would be very close indeed.

The Beast hit the earth, the ground shaking with the force of its landing. The ground was ripped apart as it lunged for him, but the Hunter quickly leapt to the side, spinning his spear ruthlessly into the monster’s abdomen. The creature twisted, grasping the end of the pulsing weapon, and the Hunter raised his Rakka. With a roar from the Beast’s throat, the Hunter fired blinding fire into the creature’s side. Bits of carapace and globs of glowing liquid sprayed the trees as the Beast was blasted away. Shock filled the Hunter’s chest as the Beast tore the Takra from his grip. He no longer had his great weapon.

The force of the Beast’s tail hitting his side threw the Hunter into the trunk of a massive tree, cracking the bark upon impact. For a moment, the Hunter lost himself.

For a moment, the Hunter was back upon his home world, taking part in the great blood-games of his people. The next moment, the Hunter was back piloting his ship through a freefall descent to the planet below, chasing an enemy of his people. The next, the Hunter was in his own home, in the arms of his lover. The rush, the thrill. Ecstasy.

The Hunter blinked himself back to reality. Adrenaline raced through his veins. He tasted blood in his mouth, could smell the sharp scent of iron, and his quick breathing began to fog his helmet.

The Hunter smiled. This was why he hunted.

His hands clenched at the broken bark as he regained control of himself. He looked down into the tiny clearing to see the Beast crack his spear in half. The Hunter’s stomach sunk, but only for a moment.

Screaming in rage and a primal high, the Hunter leapt from the broken tree, clenching his fists and activating the Bloodsuit’s emergency weapon systems. Blue and red energy sparkled from his forearms, coalescing into long scintillating blades. The Beast spun as the Hunter threw himself at his prey.

The Hunter felt the Beast’s claws catch him in mid-leap, clenching painfully with a monstrous grip. The Hunter slammed his sparkling blades into the Beast’s upper arms, slicing through the diamond-hard carapace, bringing another screech of pain from his prey. Another swing of his fists, and the Hunter felt a blade connect with the Beast’s shoulder, then slide into its chest. The Beast roared in pain, slamming its own powerful claws into the Hunter’s armored body. The Hunter felt a sharp flash of heat. Another impact on his thigh; more heat. He was injured. But he would not give up.

With all the rage and force of his mighty ancestors, the Hunter tore again and again into the body of the Beast, slicing, ripping, and smashing with his only weapons. He could feel the monster’s carapace cracking, breaking under the force of his impacts. Pain arced through his mind as the creature fought back, desperate now.

He felt the Beast’s chest give away, and thrust his hand inside; digging, searching. Cold spots now covered his body, leaving him buzzed with endorphins. His jaw ached from clenching. At last he found it. His hand closed upon the Beast’s heart. The Hunter tore it from its thrashing body.

But the Beast would not die without a fight. With the last of its strength, the Beast thrust its tail at the Hunter. He felt the sharp tip enter his side, felt it exit out his back. It launched him back, slamming him into a rock nearby. He could feel the tail inside him as the Beast thrashed with the last of its strength. At last, he felt the Beast die.

Both Hunter, prey, and jungle fell into silence.

When the Hunter awoke, it was still dark. The sound of animals had once again begun.

Spots of numbing fire covered the Hunter’s body, and looking down, the Hunter saw that he was severely injured. But then he saw something else. His prey was dead. Its blood and pieces of its body covered the ground and trees around him. It covered him, and his hands. The finality of his accomplishment hit him and his face lit up with triumph, followed by tears of utter elation.

He had done it. He had hunted and killed the Beast, all on his own. He would return home having earned the highest ranking amongst his people; a Warrior-Hunter. He would be treated as a General, a Prince. He would command great interstellar Hunts, lead the greatest of Warriors, and teach younglings the ways of his people. His lover would be so proud. The thought of her smiling face when he returned brought renewed strength to his heart.

Blood seeped from his wounds, as the Hunter pulled himself free of the Beast’s tail. The bio-material of his suit was trying to heal his wounds, but it would take some time. The Hunter was weak, but it didn’t matter. He had finished his mission.

His ship was perched atop one of the highest trees. There was no room to land on the ground of this planet. It would be at least a day before the Hunter had the strength to climb to his ship. But the Hunter was in no hurry. He was very patient.

He was bred to be patient. He was bred to wait. He was bred to survive.