Brainstorm?

[supertacular.livejournal.com]

I has this dream the other night with such awesome imagery and such an interesting premise that it inspired me to write a story based on it. The problem with that, of course, is that dreams generally aren't so reliable when it comes to complete plots and background information, so I'm missing some major information such as... well, the entire ending. 

I have a few ideas, and I have the premise, but I'm floundering a bit with avoiding cliches and I'd like some advice (especially since I want it to be rather darker than most stuff I write).

    The story takes place at sort of boarding school, where children are raised and educated. It differs from a normal school, however, in that nobody can leave. A plague has devastated the outside world and the Academy is an isolated sort of safehouse, where a preventative cure is administered every few weeks.
    Jena (though I may change her name later) is a 15-year-old student at the school, who has just made a startling discovery. Three years ago her older sister Eden was taken away by the doctors and never came back. It was explained that Eden had developed a resistance to the cure, and that there was nothing more the doctors could do for her. But now Jena has discovered Eden's old journals, and her side of the story reads rather differently.
    Apparently Eden's symptoms included a change in thinking that led her to make some accusations against the school. Her journals warn Jena that if she ever starts resisting she should hide it. She says to lie to the doctors, to pay attention to what happens to the other student and, most shockingly of all, she says that there is no plague.
    Now Jena's resistance is starting to develop, and she's experiencing the same revelations. The Academy is definitely far more sinister than anyone suspected, and Jena resolves to escape and to find out what really happened to Eden. When she notices that a boy named Khaleb is also resisting she decides to save him too, but the nurses have noticed his symptoms and time is running out for both of them.

 Now, what I have in mind for the Academy is that it's some sort of facility that uses unwanted children as lifelong research subjects. The Cure is actually some sort of mental inhibitor that makes the students more docile and easily convinced, and as a result they have a skewed view of reality. They think nothing of it if someone disappears for a few days or disappears entirely, they don't bat an eye if someone wakes up with new scars or if someone gets mysteriously ill or comes down with a bit of amnesia. It's all a part of everyday life for them.
    Resistance to the cure is caused by a genetic mutation that a few of the students start spontaneously developing around age 14 or so. It includes an adverse reaction to the injections themselves, which may cause temporary amnesia or confused behavior and a lack of coordination. Jena counters these effects by leaving herself notes hidden around her room and starting a journal herself so she doesn't forget the things she notices. See, the resistance also helps you notice that what's going on isn't normal, makes your thinking clearer, that kind of thing.

Of course, the one major, major plot hole I've run into is that I have no idea thus far of what the Academy actually does. I want to avoid the cliche we-are-building-super-soldiers!1!1!! thing, so I'm thinking some sort of research facility?

Also, I'm still deciding how Jena's search for Eden turns out. I think that near the end of the story, she and Khaleb find a way out, but she leaves him and goes back because she hears that Eden may still be alive. It can go in several directions from here:

1. Eden isn't really alive, Jena finds this out but gets caught in the process, Khaleb goes back to get her (and may or may not escape again)

2. Eden really is alive, but is in a catatonic state and is being kept alive only for research. Jena still refuses to leave her, and Khaleb had to attempt to drag her away (which again could be successful or not)

3. Eden is alive, but Jena is caught and kept in the same research facility while attempting to get her out. Khaleb escapes by himself.

Any ideas? I'd love to hear feedback, of any kind. And feel free to press for more info, I'm generally better at answering individual questions than I am at trying to summarize everything at once. Thanks!

Also, on a slightly unrelated note, what do you guys think about opening with a dream sequence?

Comments

[aeriedraconia.livejournal.com]

This idea sounds interesting and pretty well thought out so far.

Options 1, 2 and 3 dont seem to resolve anything so it feels like there would need to be more story. 3 has a little bit of resolution but Jena's story won't feel completed without more to it.

So, the next thing is to make up the What, Why and What If questions to help sort it out. These are the things I wanted to know:
What is the purpose of the Academy?
What are the scientists trying to accomplish with their research?
Is there a power behind the Academy calling the shots?
What would their goals be?
What happens after Jena finds out about her sister?
Will Jena fight to take down the Academy?
Will Jena organize a rebellion or a rescue?
How does Khaleb fit into this?

As for dream sequences? I don't care for them and think they're really hard to do well. Miss Snark, a literary agent incognito, has a blog and she has talked about dream sequences. She has stopped making new entries now but the Snarkives (archives)are still up. http://misssnark.blogspot.com/ She has posted some very helpful info for writers from the agent's point of view.

[supertacular.livejournal.com]

I think I could work resolution into 1, 2, 1nd 3 if I could just decide which one I like best, even if it isn't a happy ending (for example, the doctors successfully get Jena subdued again and we see her at the end of the story, back at the academy with no recollection of her sister or her attempted escape. I think I just need to play around with them a bit more.

And most of these questions are things I'm trying to work out myself! A lot of them did make me think though. For instance, I hadn't thought about what power's behind the academy, that kind of thing. I'm thinking it will be some company back in the normal part of civilization that's using the school to do things they woudn't usually get away with.

If that's true, it could add a whole new facet to the story, a subplot about whoever escapes trying to bring the Academy down from the outside.

The one I can answer is that it's not so much a rebellion as a rescue. It would be pretty much impossible to work up a rebellion among the students who cannot resist the cure, so only Jena and Khaleb can actually do the plotting. I was looking forward to writing their interaction. Since Khaleb is under suspicion, he is being watched, and since the sexes are mostly separated that makes their communication difficult. Khaleb also suffers more from adverse reactions to the shots. The two of them form a sort of desperate, conspiratorial bond and generally I want to have fun with it.

And thanks for your two cents on the dream sequence thing, I think I'm gonna cut it off the beginning. Do you know of any good resources about opening sequences?

[aeriedraconia.livejournal.com]

Yes, explore your scenarios. Playing the 'What If' game helps break free ideas sometimes. I just did that and moved what I had planned as my ending to the middle of the story and I not only unstuck something else but now have something big and exciting going on in the middle of the story. Win!

I can see an unscrupulous company (government directed and funded) using vulnerable and unwanted kids as guinea pigs. It's not a big stretch from reality, ya know?

So, if you have one of the kids escape, he or she will need help or allies on the outside to help bring down the Academy of Horrors. Who will they be? (I know, another question. Sorry. ;-) )

Yeah, dream sequences aren't very popular with the agents according to what they say in their blogs.

The beginning of the story can be a short scene that establishes the the norm right before the pivotal change that forces the character to action.

Sometimes the true beginning of the story isn't revealed until later on so be prepared to move it forward or backward in the story line.

If you have access to a public library you can see if they carry any of the Writer's Digest Books series: Elements of Fiction Writing and Write Great Fiction.
Also Beginnings, Middles and Ends by Nancy Kress.
There are a lot of mixed impressions about how useful or not How To Write books are, they are very helpful to some and not helpful to others. Take everything with a grain of salt and find what works for you because we all learn differently and have styles.

[supertacular.livejournal.com]

Ah, the allies thing, something else I'll need to figure out :P

I agree with what you said about the opening, I think I'm going to start out with a typical morning at the Academy (which, of course, isn't so typical, but the students don't know that)

I think Khaleb will be what sets things in motion, since Jena's been plotting for a while and seeing his perdicament will be the little push she needs to start putting things in motion.

I'll check the campus library for those books or something similar. Thanks again!

[aeriedraconia.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! I hope it all helps.

P.S. As you open you story and set the Norm, don't start out with someone waking up first thing in the morning or eating breakfast, the agents have said a few times that they get tired of seeing both of those openings and that they are static and dull. I think your characters norm will probably be on the harsh and not mundane side play that up as you open the story. Someone berating your MC, a quarrel, a discovery, hiding something, noticing something that shouldn't be noticed, all those sorts of things would be far more interesting than waking up and eating breakie, ya know?
Good luck. :-)

[aeriedraconia.livejournal.com]

Gah! Insert commas where necessary.

[sora-kainomori.livejournal.com]

This sounds like a good premise. I agree with aeriedraconia as she asked many of the questions I asked when reading. Number 3 could work if Jena's ultimate goal is to find her sister. What if her sister was dead and she got caught in the same facility? Or what if her sister never existed? It really depends on what Jena's goal is and what she is going to do about it. Is her goal finding her sister or is it starting a rebellion at the Academy.

As for the Academy it may be a test facility to try experimental drugs on people. From what you described, I get the impression that these people that work at the Academy have no regard for the children's well-being, so perhaps something that infects them, but they try to cure. Perhaps the cures are extremely painful and the infection is lethal and also painful. This theme seems like the whole "Kids vs. Adults" thing.


Personally I hate dream sequences. My creative writing teacher said that dreams/flashbacks can't be more compelling that than the story itself. I hate to read something that was so interesting and then find out that it's a dream. Perhaps you can work in little snippets of the flashback in the actual narrative. It's a tricky task, but it can strength the prose. If you do a dream sequence, don't start your story off with one.

[supertacular.livejournal.com]

I tried to answer some of the questions in my response to aeridraconia's comment :)

Also, I like the idea of a test facility. Maybe a company that's making a profit by secretly doing experiments they wouldn't otherwise get away with. And yeah, they definitely have no regard for the children. I may even take it a step further and have the children killed or moved to another facility once they turn 18.

And it looks like the dream sequence is getting lopped, I just need to make sure my opening isn't too weak without it. Thanks for your opinion!

[sora-kainomori.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'll go read those.

I like your idea of making it an illegal test facility. As well as the children being killed or moved. Perhaps they get moved to another facility and the ones who try to fight are killed.

Just cut straight to the chase with a story like this. Perhaps you can start with rumors of someone being killed because they were turning 18. I remember you saying something about them not knowing what's going on, so is Jena always going to be aware of it or is she going to come to this realization later on in the novel.

Anyway, I'm glad I could help.

[supertacular.livejournal.com]

I was going to start by establishing day-to-day life at the Academy and then using Khaleb as a device to put things in motion. Once Jena notices that he's resisting it's becomes a race between how fast she can get them both out and how fast the nurses figure out that he's a true resistor. It will be fun, I think :)

Also, yeah, students who are interesting or unusual cases could be kept around for study and students who are useless could be done away with. Oh, and all Jena has to go on is Eden's old journal, but she still has more of an inkling than the others at the school.

Thanks again!

[sora-kainomori.livejournal.com]

Sounds good. Glad I could help again.