(no subject)

[iloveyouuux3.livejournal.com]

title: none yet
rating: i would say pg13 for drug references and cursing.
comments/warnings: any criticism is welcome EXCEPT for that of spelling grammar puncuation etc. as you can see i dont even type as well as i did for the story but i tried to make it halfway decent but thats not what i write for. it still needs a little work, but im anxious to have people read it.
summary: kate skips school and meets someone during her 'punishment session'...

only a bit for now, im gonna take a break and write some more later if people like it.



So, my friends and I are always doing really idiotic things, like sneaking out of school to go to funmania. Totally dorky, I know, but we thought it'd be fun. And it was... despite my friend Kara totally hitting on me half the time - weird much? Anyway, that didn't really bother me so much, but it turns out all of our teachers were flipping 'cause of us cutting and everything, so they actually raided like our entire town to find us. It was really lame.
The lamer thing? Apparently they had to have us all in "separate rooms" while we "learned our lesson." And since they ran out of space in the office, I had to sit in the disgusting dirt-covered bleachers of our auditorium. Our auditorium is so damn gross, I don't even know why they have it anymore, we haven't use it for ages. Anyway, they sent me there because they wanted me to be alone, only I wasn't. There was this kid there; Max. I only knew his name 'cause he was like, the badass of our school or something. Totally weird kid. I had no clue what kind of shit he got himself into but apparently he's actually supposed to be in like college or something. Gross.
But for some reason, when I looked him in the eyes, and he looked back he didn't seem gross. At all. He actually seemed kind of... charming. And as he was walking closer, I barely even questioned it. We talked for a while, about school (so apparently he's supposed to be in 11th grade, whatever, he's still two grades behind), music, books, yknow, basic stuff like that. Eventually the principal walked in and didn't even seem shocked at the sight of Max... he just kind of rolled his eyes and let me know I could go now.
"Uh, sure." I replied. "See you around," to Max.
As I was walking away, he grabbed my arm and made me do a complete 360.
"Hey. You should try this. You just shoot it right up and it just makes you smile..."
I looked down at the needle he placed in my hand, filled with an unfamiliar substance.
"Uh... I don't know..." I liked Max and all, I mean, I liked him a lot, I just wasn't so cool with the whole drugs thing. I always wondered, but never actually had anyone hand me them.
"It's cool. Just think about it." I nodded. "Oh, and call me sometime, kay dollface?" He said as he pulled my hand towards him and wrote a number on the inside of my palm.
"Sure. I will." I smiled as I walked away this time, until I realized the principal had been watching the whole time. Thoughts ran through my mind.
Shitshitshit, do you think he saw the needle? Is he going to tell my parents? I wasn't really even thinking about using it! SHIT! I'm so stupid!
I eventually realized I had been panicking so bad I didn't even hear a word Mr. Hasden said. "Kate? Hellooo?"
I felt like an idiot.
"Sorry, sorry Mr. Hasden. I didn't know you were waiting for me here. Sorry. And sorry I just blanked out for a minute there."
"Fine. Just stay away from Maxwell. He's trouble. I wouldn't want someone like him having that kind of an effect on you."
"Sure, I know. Don't worry about it." But in the back of my mind I wanted to see him so badly, I wanted to turn around right then and there and go back, I just wanted to talk to him...
"Kate? Why don't you get back to class? I'll take care of Maxwell, here."
"Uh, yeah, sure, thanks..."

Comments

[supertacular.livejournal.com]

I'm not as good as some of the other people on here, but here's what I'd say.

I know it's from Kate's point of view, but you may want to take some of the likes and totallys and whatever out of the narration. In my opinion they kind of wear on the reader after a while. Slang is fine once in a while, and definitely fine in dialogue, but do the characters really think like that?

Also, take the time to spell/grammar check. Bad grammar and capitalization and stuff is most likely a pet peeve of a lot of people here and they'll probably be a lot more willing to read it for you if it's easier on the eyes. Same goes for the summary. :)

show vrs tell

[kxrxk.livejournal.com]

There's not much show, just tell. I need to visualize a character. Clues ti height, weight, eye color, hair color, past, ect. Otherwise they are just a name.

[iloveyouuux3.livejournal.com]

Hey, I appreciate your comments. I can't promise I will take all of your advice, but I will definitely try as the opportunity presents itself. Thanks for reading!