Jordan's birthday

[el-spiritous.livejournal.com]

A quick slice of life from Jordan's point of view:  Warnings for language, sex and general teenage awkwardness. 

“Hey..” Katie's voice was low and seductive, had been all night, come to think of it.

 

“Yeah.” I turned my head to look at her and saw Taylor slouching against a beam, just across from us. I'm not sure I understand what's going on with me and Taylor. He's cool. He's a cool guy, easy to hang out with and actually kinda pretty, in a guy sort of way. I mean he's not breathtaking like... no..he's not like that. But he's definitely got the strong silent type thing going on. Most of the time, you don't notice that cuz Moni's next to him and her mouths a going like a firehose putting out fire so it's easy not to notice how quiet he is. But when we're by ourselves and there's just...silence. Not bad, awkward oh God what do I say now kind of silence but...a good, comfortable pajama kind of silence. And he looks at me in that funny way of his and I get that weird feeling. The one I don't really want to think about too much but can't help it sometimes. Which is why I tried to focus mostly on Katie that night. It was kinda her party afterall.

 

“I have a present for you.” Katie was speaking to me again. “Jordan.”

 

“Hmm? Yeah?” My brain sifted slowly through images: the party, the drink in my hand, Moni playing with Mike, Taylor's eyes, Katie. Katie in front of me, watching me. “A present?”

 

“Yeah, come on.” She took my hand, led me into the house and up the stairs. I stopped her along the way and topped off my drink with another mini bottle. I like Katie, she's bouncy-happy a lot and like I said, she's easy to be with. She kisses nice, not that I have loads of experience in that department but she keeps wanting to so I figure I must not be awful at it. For a while I figured I was awful, all teeth and spit and stuff and that nobody would ever want to kiss me. But she does. That and more and there is a part of me that wants that too but it's scary as hell. Especially with someone who has done it before. What if I do it wrong? Or Badly? Or worse, what if I can't do it at all?

 

“In your room?” I stopped her at the door. “There's a ton of people in your house, Kay.”

 

“Shh.” She put a finger up to my lips. “Sure, but they're in the den and outside. They won't miss us.”

 

I gulped another swallow and grimaced, too much vodka and not enough Sprite, but I took another sip anyway and followed her into her room. I managed to slop my cup down on the nightstand before she pulled me on top of her. This was so surreal, my heart was racing, the brain struggled to keep up as she kissed me, and then moved lower, biting my neck at the rim of my shirt. I felt her hands underneath it. I could hear breathing. Was that me? I squeezed my eyes tight and then opened them to see her watching me. The panic must have shown because she stopped and rolled so we were still close but I wasn't on top of her anymore.

 

“Jordan. I want you to okay?” Her hands rubbed small circles into my back. “Please.” She kissed me again. I looked into her eyes one more time as she pressed a cellophane wrapped condom into my hand. Then I closed my eyes, shut my brain off and let my body take over.

 

My mama always told me to treat people with respect and that means you don't kiss and tell, and a gentleman certainly doesn't do this and tell. Though I'd heard Jason and some of the guys talk about it plenty in the locker room last fall. I wouldn't want them to talk about Katie like that. I guess I can say that it was nice. But the truth is I couldn't tell you if it was nice or not because my heart was beating so loud I couldn't hear anything else but it's jackhammer roar and Katie's soft little breath in my ear. My hands shook so bad I didn't think I could get the thing on and then I wondered if Junior Jordan would behave admirably or if he would desert me completely at the critical moment. It all narrowed down to a moment, a series of moments, like bubbles from a little plastic ring blown into the air above us. I remember the air smelled of sea and salt, her skin was hot like a fever and a crash of waves flooded through me and me thinking of sitting on the pier with him, watching the tide wash upon the shore.

 

As predicted, no body missed us. Of course, we were barely up there half an hour. Katie had already cleaned up and gone downstairs ahead of me. So no one would see us coming downstairs together, she had said. That made sense to me and I stood up looking for clothes. My body was now a melted down version of myself and I took twenty seconds to breathe and clear the foggy euphoria from my brain before I went downstairs.

 

Halfway down the stairs, I froze, looking across the living room. Montgomery Rand stood by the front door, next to Katie, his hand on her arm. I was having a stroke or something. I couldn't breathe, seeing him there, standing like he always did, chatting with Katie like he'd been there all along. The way he looked. Not like I imagined him, not like he used to, with his hair all shiny and wavy, his favorite ACDC size 12 t-shirt all wrinkly. It wasn't like that. He was taller, his hair shorter, a button down shirt, probably the only one he owned, its shirttails hanging over his new chemically faded jeans. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. He was there, talking to Katie, the girl I'd just had sex with. They were talking like they were best friends. Maybe they were even talking about me. Oh God, would she tell him? Would she say 'hey, glad you could make it, Jordan just lost his virginity so he's a little out of it, but he'll come around.' Jesus! I am such a dork. Why do I think of these things? It only serves to make me even more dorkish and stupid. How long I stood on those stairs watching them, I couldn't say. Hours? Seconds? Years?

 

“What are you doing here?” The words felt strange in my mouth when I found myself standing in front of them.

 

Montgomery smiled, his old smile, but now it didn't reach his eyes. It wasn't quite real. I leaned into Katie and put an arm possessively around her shoulders. She shifted. I pulled her to me.

 

“I invited him, Jordan.” Katie tried to pull away but I held fast. I needed to hold onto something or I would slip away, melt into a insecure blob on the floor.

 

“Hey Jordan.” Montgomery said quietly. “Happy birthday.” He looked back at Katie, his eyes suddenly uncertain and doubtful. Montgomery was never doubtful, ever, about anything. I was always the unsure one. Was he here for me? Or for Katie? I knew they talked, she'd told me as much. About French class and movies and shit. I looked at Katie. She was watching Montgomery, a softness in her eyes and my gut twisted.

 

“Yeah, well, I never expected to see you here, man. Not anymore.” I didn't either. There were so many times I expected, no wanted, him to show up in the past year and he hadn't so I had given up. Now he was here, leaving a bitter copper taste in my mouth like a bad penny. I realized suddenly that my pants were shrinking in the crotch or I was growing and I hoped it wasn't as visually evident as it felt. “You selling at my party Mon?” I tried to sneer, to make him feel insignificant. The look I got made me blanch. That look transported me back to the old neighborhood, to the pier, my arm around Montgomery as he told me about his Dad's latest tirade. I almost dropped my arm from Katie to pull Montgomery over. But I couldn't do that so I pulled her closer. But she was angry now and pushed me off.

 

“Jordan!” Her voice was harsh. “I invited him, because he's your friend..and-”

 

“I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here.” Montgomery's momentary pain was gone, overridden by bad ass bravado. “I only came because you asked me to, Katie.” He looked her, his voice lilted to seduction level. Montgomery's look held her, held me, transfixed both of us in some weird time space thing, as though we were the only ones in the room. Then he leaned ever so slightly towards Katie, cutting me off and out of the picture. My hand shot out and pushed Montgomery back against the door.