Pick Up Line Game

[aeriedraconia.livejournal.com]

The Pick Up line/Opening Line/First line Game

This is a game I've seen in a few places around the web.
Here is the writers_loft version:

Post the first line of the main story or stories that you are working on.

Then, those of us reading them can reply with:
Does it or doesn't it make you want to read more?

And for the fun of it:
Guess the genre?
Guess what happens next?

Comments

[captlychee.livejournal.com]

What a cool game! Okay, here we go:

[bblue23.livejournal.com]

want to read more: yes
genre: horror
what happens next: the tall thin man looks at Guy and initiates a conversation, probably by waving or shouting something.

I like Cup Day. Does it have anything to do with cupcakes?

[ki-realface.livejournal.com]

want to read more: don't know, I think the first sentence is too long.

genre: mystery or supernatural

what happens next? He gets in an accident a few blocks down, sees the walking man also at the scene somehow.


the hovering dark figure, menacing, whatever is a good device but I thought maybe he wouldn't have taken in all this detail since he was driving and you only have a second to see each corner.

ki

[cinnasugg.livejournal.com]

Read more: Not likely, I'm sort of confused already, like a part was cut out to make this the first line or something.
Genre: paranormal mystery
Where it will go next: probably into some problem with the undead or ghosts...not sure really.

[mutant-wolf2.livejournal.com]

Want to read more: yes, it's very intriguing.
what genre: horror/mystery suspense
what happens next: um...Guy keeps walking with the tall, thin man following him. After a while, Guy just gets fed up with it, turns around and yells something into the dark. The tall, thin man ushers him a warning but Guy doesn't understand so he ignors it, but it sticks in the back of his mind.

[pearls-and-blow.livejournal.com]

Read more?: I'm not sure. I'm kinda confused so I would probably keep reading if only to make sense of things.
Genre?: Horror/Mystery
What happens next? The thin man probably disappears, Guy shakes it off and thinks nothing of it. The thin man will make sporadic appearances throughout the story and will probably play a large part in it.

[tia-junan.livejournal.com]

Hi-

Newbie here but I want to play. My first line of a prologue is:


"If they had raised every child on earth they might have rightly said that their son was the gentlest boy ever born."

Thanks for feedback.

ki

[bblue23.livejournal.com]

want to read more: yes
genre: murder mystery
what happens next: description of how amazingly gentle this little boy is. He will grow up to be either a killer or a victim of one.

[cinnasugg.livejournal.com]

Want to read more: Yes, I'm interigued as to why his being gentle was so important.
Genre: drama
What happens next: A description of why he was so gentle, and forshadowing of why that's so important.

[mutant-wolf2.livejournal.com]

want to read more: if the second sentence was available, maybe.
what genre: fiction with a little romance
what happens next: i don't know. the sentence is a good stand-alone.

[pearls-and-blow.livejournal.com]

Read more?: Yes.
Genre?: Umm, I'm going to say drama
What happens next?: I have no idea but like the others said, the word "gentle" is intriguing so probably some sort of character description, maybe even an anecdote.

[avablack.livejournal.com]

Does it or doesn't it make you want to read more? Intriguing so that would be a definate yes.

Guess the genre? It could be fantasy, it could be contemporary.

Guess what happens next? Meet the main character (name the boy) a glimpse into his life before perhaps.

My opening line

[bblue23.livejournal.com]

Mriseth woke up with new knots in her hair.

Re: My opening line

[ki-realface.livejournal.com]

want to read more: yes

genre: fantasy, sci fi

how'd she get new knots? how'd she get the old knots?

this exercise is fun.

ki

Re: My opening line

[cinnasugg.livejournal.com]

Want to read more: yes
genre: sci-fi/fantasy
what happens next: She pushes whoever gave her the knots out of bed...or chastises herself for sleeping on the ground.

Re: My opening line

[kxrxk.livejournal.com]

she has dreadlocks--good for her!
drama
might read more

[ki-realface.livejournal.com]

want to read more: yeah

genre: this could be anything, though tragic, it even has a comic edge.

I'd really like to read the next few lines.


ki

here's mine...

[jasalan25.livejournal.com]

As night fell, what once had been a place of hope and splendor was transformed into a somber tomb for the hopes and dreams of a kingdom.

Re: here's mine...

[ki-realface.livejournal.com]

want to read more: yeah

genre: fantasy

next?: describing the death of the benevolent king or the ruins of the palace or the ascent into power of a harsh ruler...

ki

[niprhidel.livejournal.com]

ok - a bit new here but here are some lines from an original series me and my friend veiledndarkness are working on:

from Bleak Country:
"On the long stretch of paved highway, the small car traveled, the engine a muted rumble disturbing the near silence outside."

from Lock Company:
"It had been about four years after “The War” had ended."

from The Secret Broach:
"It was almost one in the morning and the mists outside was starting to grow in the steady chill of the city while a young girl of eight was up way past her bedtime."

from Total Eclipse:
"An old man of midway height focused intensely on his reflection as he put on his tie; he grunted in disgust as he saw what his advisor had in his hands."

from The Waking Dream:
"As a woman of 56 years old Dr. Jameson’s patience was thin enough, but when it came to the man sitting in front of her it was practically non-existent."

**this is from a story I'm working on by myself:
"Only in the silence of night or at the grey of dawn would he take the journal out and write in it - in the language he refused to speak out loud."

[cinnasugg.livejournal.com]

Bleak Country:
Read more: probably not, thought not because the line is bad.
Genre: drama
what happens next: a description of the driver and why they are going wherever they are going.

Lock Company:
Read more: yeah
Genre: historical fiction
What happens next: a description of how much had changed in the wars aftermath, slowly narrowing down to the main character's personal life.

The Secret Broach:
Read more: probably not, it reminds me of the Golden Compass and I really did not like that book. (I know, I've already been told I'm nuts, but I have my reasons.)
Genre: fantasy
What happens next: an explanation for why she's still up, the naughty little blighter.

Total Eclipse:
Read more: perhaps, though the line is a bit jarring. It started with the impression that he was alone.
Genre: mystery
What happens next: why the advisor is holding something that doesn't make his boss happy.

The Waking Dream:
Read more: yes, in hopes that there's a lot of good one liners.
Genre: romance
What happens next: a spat that bring up a lot about the past and why Dr. Jameson can't stand her companion.

Untitled:
Read more: yes
Genre: mystery, sci-fi/fantasy
What happens next: Why does he only write the language? What is the language?

[cinnasugg.livejournal.com]

My turn! All right....

From A Burning Bed:
Simple jobs are never simple, the gunslinger considered as he paced in the ornate room.

From Hush Little Baby:
The screams from inside the flat's bedroom may have been more disturbing to the males if it were not for the fact that most of them were drunk.

From Champion of Hearts:
Imperial princess Analia Triscelli Neradid Cerdwin Morpona Rynes Impatria Sordstar Bringent Jac’qurette Evecrow crouched outside her parent’s bedroom.

From Foundations (working title only):
The city of Utawara was never a quiet city.

[mutant-wolf2.livejournal.com]

"A Burning Bed"
want to read more: yeah
what genre: sci-fi or western
what happens next: he practices removing his pistols from their holders as fast as he can. Just in case.

"Hush Little Baby"
want to read more: haha, yeah
what genre: fiction/murder mystery
what happens next: hmm..not quite sure

Champion of Hearts"
want to read more: not really. All the names kinda turn the reader off.
what genre: fantasy
what happens next: she hears a secret that she's not supposed to know

"From Foundations:
want to read more: a little. is it quiet now?
what genre: sci-fi or fantasy
what happens next: not quite sure.

[mutant-wolf2.livejournal.com]

Okie dokie! My turn! Have fun!

"Time seemed to slow down."

[mutant-wolf2.livejournal.com]

Hi guys! I figured that was a little short so here's the next sentence:

"Music throbbed throughout his body, making his head hurt."

[captlychee.livejournal.com]

Wow! How flattering is this?! I'm surprised at the people who wnt to readmore, and perfectlyunderstand those who don't. I agree with ki_realface that the opening sentence is too long. This thing was my NaNoWriMo project and I was aiming to write a leisured novel with a deliberate effort to ignore any plot at all. Things would just happen because they happened and if an explanation were needed it would come right at thend. Like 'Lost'.

cinnasugg was right on the money with it being a paranormal mystery. As to where it will go, I deliberately have no idea at the moment. But I will tie it all up into a neat bundle at the end. Like 'The X Files' tried to do. . .

For those who wanted to read more, here is the rest of the opening paragraph:

[pearls-and-blow.livejournal.com]

This is fun. I'm currently working on 3 stories so here are the opening lines.

"Black Magic Woman"
"There was nothing remarkable about the day Nettie and Henry met-- if you squint hard enough and ignore the jagged edges of their broken routines."

"Early Theory"
"They met one fall season in a Santa Monica community theater--Peter was thirty-three, newly divorced and working a steady job for the first time in eight years, Oliver was twenty-one, fresh out of drama school and had barely touched land after braving the proverbial leap across the pond."

"Ballad of the Passenger"
"He wasn’t dirty and yet he was taking another shower."

[bblue23.livejournal.com]

Black Magic Woman
Read more: yes. This is great.
genre: literary romance

Early Theory
read more: no. There are too many details squeezed into the first sentence. You're "telling" rather than "showing" their difference in ages and backgrounds.
genre: literary romance

Ballad of the Passenger
read more: no. Showers are boring, whether you need them or not. He was probably just bored.
genre: steampunk

[avablack.livejournal.com]

This is an interesting game. I will try one even though I've come in a bit late to the game.


The problem with secrets is that they tend to be bad.

[tia-junan.livejournal.com]

Read More: hmmm, yes
Genre: This could be anything but maybe it's romance?
What happens next: we learn who the secret keeper is and why she is keeping a secret - is it bad?

[shadowbloodwing.livejournal.com]

Here I am, late to the game as always. ^^ First sentence from the prologue, which might not even be used.

"I saw it in his eyes: He knew he was going to die the second my hands closed over his fragile wrists, with their delicate razor tracery and the small tattoo of a cross."