Poem: The Most Beautiful Man I’ve Ever Seen

[polkadot-cat.livejournal.com]

This is a poem I'm kind of detached from, but I still feel compelled to work on it. I'd love any and all constructive criticism--I think I just need some outside perspective on this.

Also, I know this title isn't very appropriate for the poem. It was the title of the rough, rough first draft. As the poem evolved, the title didn't, so I'd love any suggestions for a better one!

The Most Beautiful Man I’ve Ever Seen
 
 
shocking, innocent white,
it was the kind of fabric you felt just by looking.
 
it plummeted to graze the tops of his feet.
his sandals were the color of his skin.
 
the gown was called a “boubou,”
the word a fluttering bird in the cage of my American mouth.
 
I could see his undershirt beneath the diaphanous thing.
below, he didn’t have any legs.
 
only a silk sheet on its line,
billowing against the purest night.

Comments

[rephen.livejournal.com]

Hi.

I like the imagery. Very pretty.

[polkadot-cat.livejournal.com]

Thanks.