Haunted House

[polkadot-cat.livejournal.com]

 Any critique, especially on the last part, would be appreciated.


there are moments crawling this house’s walls like spiders,
sneaking into corners to build invisible
domains that will last for years.
 
there are moments trudging up the windows,
snails fat on the granite echoes of arguments
nobody ever meant to have.
 
there are moments floating near the ceiling
full of summer air, swimming balloons
bloated with expectation.
 
there are moments padding across the bed sheets—
tiny, fluorescent creatures we swallow in our sleep,
dancing in between fingers
to a buzzing, breathless beat.

Comments

[hrh-love.livejournal.com]

I like it. I think the last part might flow better if you added 'our' in front of fingers though.

[polkadot-cat.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And thanks for pointing that out.

[rephen.livejournal.com]

i like it. very nice and invoking a haunted house feeling :)

[polkadot-cat.livejournal.com]

Thanks.