Proluge and First chapter

[keke-25.livejournal.com]

Thanks to those of you that can offer any helpful advice or criticism.  I look forward to reading your comments.

<3 Keke...

Proluge

When I look back on my life in the previous months, everything seemed so trivial. It was almost as if I had been forced to look through a tunnel, preventing me from seeing what truly was amiss in those early days in the Bubble. Not that everyone was completely disillusioned from the devious workings of the Council. I saw, we all saw, what went on despite the strict barriers separating the societal classes. The council tried desperately to paint veils of peace and happiness over our eyes, and ensure us that we were being protected, but I firmly believe now with every fiber of my being that we all were imprisoned until death instead. The imprisonment itself done out of fear, loathing, and superstition of what the future could hold for any one human being. The fear of what lay outside the Bubble and what it meant for Man Kind should we all be exposed.

 

The Council is clever, I will credit them with that. They erect massive constructs under the guise of safety, tranquility, and coexistence ushering unsuspecting pioneers through the gates. They blind them with false hopes of riches and prosperity, spewing false propaganda headlining that every man decides his own lot in life. Soon thereafter, people realized that Bubbles were nothing like the visions of grandeur painted in their minds, but of course, by then it was too late.

Bubbles were little more than man made Metropolises built atop thick pillars of earth. They were raised above all else that naturally grew from the ground in order to strike intimidation into any who gaze upon it from the outside. Circular in formation for the best defense, the city within the bubble was divided into 7 rings which splayed out from the acropolis. The acropolis was home only to the Council with their all seeing eye. These Bubbles were so named due to the thin shimmering energy field that protectively cocoons the mass in an impenetrable shield. The one and only defense humans had against Demyns.

Ah, Demyns; The one mysterious intrigue humans obsess about. We make up stories, legends, and folklore to entertain our minds and hearts because we are forbidden from entering the outside world where these Demyns live. The few that claimed to have ventured far enough to meet one and live to speak about it, were never seen or heard from again. Every once in a great while, the Council would parade captured Demyns through the streets in shackles, calling them spies and terrorists out to destroy our happy and peaceful life. Some cheered for their deaths, others watched on in silence, knowing that the backlash would be forthcoming. If only they knew...

ﮭ

 

 

Chapter One

 

The gravelly thumping of movement stirred me awake uncomfortably. A Piercing hotness burned my face, and eyes as I opened them. I had to blink several times before the world before me adjusted into clearer view. I sucked in a sharp breath and then wished I hadn’t. I was sitting in a cart pulled by 2 large beasts that I had never seen before. They looked somewhere between a lion, and a serpent with large boney spikes protruding all the way down its spine to the tail. Steering the cart was a hooded figure with broad shoulders. His back went rigid and reigned in the beasts to a stop. Panic bloomed inside my chest, and I positioned my legs under me to prepare myself for escape at the first opportunity.

The hooded figure jerked his head, and I realized that he wasn’t alone. Another hooded figure popped into view next to him. Their heads bent low to each other, their whispers lost in the sudden rise and fall of dry wind. Somehow, it unsettled me and I allowed myself to briefly take in my surroundings. My heart sank into my stomach - there was nothing around us except cracked, parched desert as far as the eye could see.

A slight movement returned my gaze to the hooded figures. The one steering the beasts jumped down from the cart and walked towards the front. The other turned towards me, pulling the hood back carefully. My heart stammered in my chest and air instantly left my lungs. The hooded figure was a woman, tall, beautiful, and Demyn. My legs burned to move, my survival instinct shot adrenaline into my veins. I felt closed in, sitting against the back of the cart, so I jumped out the back, putting the cart between me and my strange companions.

 

Her hair was an explosion of color that glittered in the sunlight and spilled over her shoulders down her arms. Depending on the angle she turned her head, the color changed, and her eyes were a sea foam green to contrast her vibrant locks. She was slim with tanned olive skin; a picture of perfection. My self esteem dropped twenty points just for being this close to her. She took a step forward, and my body reacted instinctively, putting tension into every muscle, preparing for an attack. The Demyn woman stopped her advance, eyes wide.

“Reeelaaxxx.” The Demyn woman said slowly, as if she were talking to a 3 year old child. “Weee aarrreen’ttt gooooing to hurrrrt youuuu.” She threw up her hands in a surrender motion, palms facing out towards me.

Before she could say anything more, a pale bluish hand grabbed her wrist. The other cloaked figure appeared beside her, pulling his hood back. The shocking contrast between them was enormous. The figure was a man, a foot taller than she was, but where she was bright, he was pale but just as beautiful. His eyes were dark with silver rings around the eyes that sparkled. He had dark, spiky short hair that shone like midnight blue in the sunlight and black in the shade. They both brought forth the dream I had woken up from moments before, and something unfamiliar, almost ancient, stirred deep within me.

“What are you doing?” The Demyn man asked the woman in a low even voice. He almost sounded bored.

“I’m trying to communicate here, do you mind??” She asked him incredulously. The man shrugged and released her, folding his arms across his chest. The corner of his mouth twitched, but he didn’t say a word. The woman glared at him, hands on hips. Something eased in my chest, and the razor sharp tension in my body relaxed.

They’re not going to hurt you, idiot, a voice in the back of my mind whispered despite my questionable predicament.

“Who are you.” I asked. To my surprise, my voice sounded sure and firm despite my tangled, twisted insides.

“What did you say?” The Demyn man asked. Two pairs of curiously guarded eyes were on me, their argument already forgotten. I was positive I didn't stutter.

“Who are you.” I repeated, my voice shook with uncertainty. The air between us seemed tangible with a heavy tension that I couldn't identify.

The Demyn woman struck her hand across the Demyn man's back. He staggered forward, swinging around awkwardly to glare at her. It seemed wrong - the slap looked light and playful.

“What was that for?” He asked her disbelievingly, straightening painfully. How very bizarre the simple act looked.

“I told you she wasn't one of them.” She announced triumphantly. She beamed at me with renewed interest. “I told him it wasn't true.”

“I don't understand...” I trailed off, the heat was getting to me. My head started to spin.

“Alice!” He growled through his teeth, clearly he wasn't convinced, but I couldn't be sure of what exactly.

My body started to tingle, and the world swam in circles around me. I could hear shouting, but I couldn't make myself respond to whatever they were saying. I was trying to focus my vision, to make the world stop spinning without success. I felt the unwelcome feeling of my body falling, the everything suddenly went black.

My mind swam around in the dark. There was nothing discernible here, just empty blackness with swirls of gray smoke here and there. I was aware of pressure around my body first, and then sound started to flow through the darkness.

“Kalan, Kalan!” A woman was shouting.

Small points of pressure started pickling on my back, then around my body. I heard a groan close to my head, but I couldn't see anything in the black. It was soothing swimming among the swirling gray smoke. Warm and comforting, almost like I've been here before.

“Alice?”

“Thank Eres! Are you okay?” The woman asked.

“what happened?”

“She was going down. You made a move to grab her, and then you did and...Kalan, something happened when you did. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt it...it was so strange...”

“Strange, is a strange word to use...”

“Kalan, I'm being serious.”

“I know, Alice. I felt it too. It called to me...it was weirdly ancient.” The man sounded unsettled, and I felt the pressure tighten around my body. Something within me wanted to reach out to this strange man and comfort him. The smoky fog started to lift around me, propelling me forward gently.

“Kalan, who is she?” The woman, Alice, asked. I felt a squeezing pressure around my hand.

“I don't know.” The man, Kalan, murmured.

The fog had cleared, and my eyes fluttered open. For a second I thought that I was dreaming. It was night, and the moon was full and directly over head, bathing the world in a beautiful silver light. The ethereal light made everything seem dreamlike, until I felt something squeeze my hand. I gasped and tried to jerk away, but it held me down.

“Easy there. We aren't going to harm you.” A man said somewhere close to my left. His voice was familiar. It reminded me of the voices that vibrated around me in the darkness of my dream.

“Kalan.” I whispered quickly, my voice was hoarse. Then I saw him. Something connected through the fogginess of my brain. The pressure I had felt before was him holding me. I felt my face grow hot.

“You had quite the spill there. It's a good thing my brother decided to be your white knight and catch you!” someone giggled to my right. It was Alice.

“Alice.” I breathed. A pure soberness replaced the humor in her face, and she gave my hand another gentle squeeze. The look she gave me was unsettling; a kind of look a loyal subject gave their beloved king. I looked over at Kalan, and his face was a pure Reflection of Alice's. I felt uncomfortable and exposed on display so I moved to sit up again. This time Kalan released me.

“You know our names, but we don't even know yours?” Alice asked quietly.

“Arie.” I whispered.

Once they both were sure that I wasn't going to fall out again, Kalan started to build a fire, and Alice brought me some water. I drank so much that I thought my belly was going to burst. Satisfied, I sat back on my arms and watched them both busying themselves with preparing the camp for the night. Both of them took extra care not to meet my gaze. It was starting to really irritate me.

My gaze drifted to the flames flickering to life in the dry kindle. They danced and licked at the air, growing bigger. Sweat beaded on my brow and trickled down my back despite the cool night air. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to quell the angry flashes behind my eye lids with little success. I couldn’t figure out how they found me, or more importantly, how I was alive. By all rights, I should be dead. That simple fact alone drove me into a panic. I opened my eyes warily and looked at the two of them again.

When it was evident that neither of them were going to start speaking any time soon, I got up and wandered over to the cart. Curiosity always got the better of me, even in terrifying circumstances. The two large beasts that pulled the cart were lounging lazily a few feet away. Their harnesses were secured to massive metal stakes driven into the parched desert ground. I stared at the stakes in bewilderment. They rose out of the ground up to my knee. They were thick and made of a metal as black as night. I wouldn't have noticed it except for the reflection of the moon. I took a step forward to run my fingers along the flat top of it when a hand grabbed my forearm.

I jumped and whirled around, getting ready to protest when a hand clamped over my mouth. It was Kalan. His eyes weren't on me though, his eyes were on the beasts who started to stir from their slumber. I found it hard to look away from him. In the moonlight all of his pale features were amplified by the silver light. His skin looked like pure cream, and the silver rings in his eyes made them glitter and sparkle like diamonds in the night. I was suddenly aware of him returning my gaze and flushed. I looked down quickly, and he removed his hand from my mouth. He put a finger to his mouth, signaling me to remain silent, and led me away from the slumbering beasts. Once we were a safe distance away, he let go of my arm and took a step to the side of me.

“You shouldn't go near the Ronsher, they aren’t the friendliest creatures.” Kalan said finally. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against it, perfectly at ease.

“But you do.” I said, a little defiance in my tone. I didn’t like to be scolded like a child.

“That's because I am a Ronsher breeder.” he shrugged. It was such a matter-of-fact response; there was no room to argue.

“Oh.” I simply said, doubt coloring my voice. I wasn't sure anyone was capable of taming those beasts. They looked so...vicious. Kalan moved from the cart and headed towards the fire where Alice was adding more wood. Where she found it, I couldn't be sure. I steeled myself, sensing the slim window of opportunity I was unexpectedly granted.

“Kalan?” I asked, my voice a little shaky. I wasn't sure what kind of response I was going to get, or how this would end. There were things about me that I wasn't able to explain, and wondered if maybe they had the answers or knew someone who did. He turned back around slowly, and the apprehension was visible in his eyes. I blew out the breath that I had been holding.

“What happened?” I asked slowly. It certainly was a loaded question, and I was never one for finesse in these types of emotional situations.

“You passed out.” He shrugged. I rolled my eyes.

“I know I passed out. That's not what I'm asking. I want to know what happened.” I stated. It took a lot of effort to keep the irritation out of my voice. I didn’t have time for this.

“What happened? I’m not following you…” Was he really serious? He was going to make me spell it out for him.

“Yes. Look, I could hear your conversation with Alice when I passed out. I don't know how to explain it, but you both said you felt something. What exactly happened? And spare me the excuses, because ever since, you both have done a pretty good job of avoiding any sort of in depth conversation with me. I mean you were practically ready to stake me to the ground when I woke up in the back of your cart, which I really don't understand either. And don't tell me you weren't.” I released my breath in an irritated huff. Kalan raised his eyebrow at me. Was he amused by this?

“You have quite the temper there, don't you?” He drawled.

“Spare me the attempt at a topic change. You have no idea what I've been through.” I hissed. Something flickered behind his eyes, and all the humor drained from his face. Anger replaced it, contorting his beautiful features into a mask of rage that made my heart spasm painfully in my chest.

“What you've been through?? You? My life has been no picnic, Princess, so excuse me if I don't seem sympathetic to your whining. You should be thanking me for saving your sorry excuse for an existence. If it weren't for me, those weird hounds would have eaten you alive outside that damn Gate.” He seethed, breathless from the intensity of his anger, but I wasn't in the conversation anymore. My mind reeled, the memory I had fought so hard to bury came rushing to the forefront of my mind so fast that my knees buckled. I would have collapsed if Kalan hadn't been quick to support my weight.

He brushed something from my face, and I looked at him, his eyes mirrored what looked like confusion, and terror? He swiped at my other cheek, and realized I was crying. My body was shaking, there was a dull roar in my ears. He was saying something to me, but it was so hard to focus. I strained to catch what he was saying.

“...It was out of line, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things.” He looked frantic. He called over his shoulder, and suddenly Alice was there. They both set me down onto the ground.

“What did you say to her Kalan?” Alice asked angrily. Kalan slumped to the ground next to me, looking paler than usual, but said nothing to his sister.

“Arie? What happened?” She asked, taking my face into her cool hands and forcing me to look at her.

“You found me next to a Gate?” I asked, not trusting my voice to say anything more. Confusion flashed across her eyes, but she nodded her head. I heaved a huge breath, as this sunk in, confirming what I thought. “I have to go back.” I said weakly. This snapped Kalan out of it.

“Are you insane?? You'll get yourself killed! We would never be able to approach that Gate without being detected, and even if we were, what do you propose we do once we are inside?? Hmm??” Kalan asked in a fit of rage. I couldn't understand it, he was either up or down; worse than any woman I had ever known, but the we part caught my attention.

“You're not coming.” I said sharply. “Neither of you are.”

“Now hold on just a minute, Arie.” It was Alice this time. “You can't just walk up to the Humans.”

“Yes, I can.” I said trying to ignore the heavy pit in my stomach.

“What makes you so sure?” Kalan spit.

I turned to face them both. “Because I am…was, one of them.”

 

Comments

some critisism

[vengedeth.livejournal.com]

hi, your story reminds me of the aeon flux movie. which isnt a bad thing. if i understood it correctly the demyns are really the good guys. if that is so then unless this is a short story then i think you give it away too quickly. but then again i have no idea what you have in store for the great struggle of your book.but i really like the premise and your style of writing is almost poetic. maybe describe the landscape of the world more like giant mushrooms or switch it up and make everything small like grass mosquitos,slugs and insects be giant sized. and everthing big like elephants, horses and tigers be mouse sized. just a suggestion.and colors of things. hey could you critisize mine? i like to have others rip my story's apart lol and get others opinions.