writers_loft | sun shine story

Title: The Sun Shines Down on Our Future
Author:

etherealkittens (Tori Lo)
Genre: Supernatural, mystery, romance areas. Can't pinpoint it.
Rating: T
Warnings: None.
Summary: Not very good at summaries but...
Kusui Hayase has no memories between and including the ages 12 to 14. She first woke up in a jail-like school completely alienated and lonely... but this isn't what this particular story is about. This one is about a year later. Kusui has left the jail school and moved to a small fishing and docking town called Plato on the Pacific coast of Vancouver Island, Canada. Her life seems fixed and perfect, except for the chunk of three missing years of her life, which troubles her daily. The day comes when she starts recieving threatening text messages on her cell phone, threatening both her and her friends. This frustrates her, and on the third day, when he wants to finally meet her, she goes. Little does she know, by meeting this man, her past, horrors and all, will be revealed to her and our audience. Please follow her tales as she heroically, and stupidly, bashes through them.
Authors note: I wrote this in about eight hours, and only about 1/3 of it has been edited. Sorry D:
Oh! And I've already written the second chapter, and started on the third. They'll be on my livejournal and fictionpress before I post them here : /

These days, I've been receiving no dreams from my sleep. I sometimes wonder what might be wrong with me... but at school, some say they don't dream either. I find it strange, though, that I used to dream, but now I don't. Ever since I woke up in that jail-like school I've never received dreams, and I've never known about those missing three years, but my new family and friends are very helpful and supportive of me. I love them.

A brief click sound comes from my cell phone on my bedside table. The only person I can think of who'd texting me this early in the morning would be the mysterious man who's been threatening me and my friends these past few days. Although I find it strange he'd be sending only me these texts if he was to threaten. Without further thought, I reach out from my warm covers into the cold air and grab the phone, flip it open, and read aloud the text, “Good morning, sunshine! Did you have a nice sleep? Have any dreams, yet? I hope you could just get pushed in front of the train on the way to school someday, but unfortunately, today is the last day I'll be sending you these texts. I cannot take not meeting you while having these conversations with you any longer. Please meet me at the ticket platform of Rozen station at your usual time. I can't wait to finally meet you.” Slamming the phone shut, I shoot out of bed and get ready for school. Is this mean serious? Does he really mean to meet me? ...Or is his intent to kill me? To steal me away from my daily life and keep me to himself? If he knows so much about me, how could he do such a cruel thing after I get a normal life back?

My movements slow as thoughts of torture and rape come to me. It becomes solid in my mind, I don't know this man, why am I rushing to go meet him? I finally come to a complete stop as I stare at my fully dressed self in the full length mirror nailed to the closet door. I forgot to do the laundry last night, so my uniform still has some smudges of dirt on it, the ribbon used as a belt is starting to fray, and my stockings have been washed enough for me to have to use suspender clips and attach them to the belt-like thing on my waist. I look pretty disheveled for a first meeting with someone, and I decide this is suitable for someone like him, who's intention might be to kill and rape me.

Heading out the door, having eaten nothing more than two pieces of toast, I begin to think about what the man would look like when I meet him. Through his strange loving yet violent texts, he's become such a wonder in my life I couldn't help but think about him regularly. Was this a plan of his, perhaps?

If it was, he knows me too well. I let my mind wonder way too much, which might as well be the reason behind my poor grades. I usually let myself play tricks on people in my mind, create fantasy lands and play in them, and just think about things that could be. I think about the past and what I should have done, the future and how I should get there, and about the people I could meet. Before I went to the jail-like school, I was a laid back kid who procrastinated way too much, and played rough with the other kids. After, though, my mind became filled with such crazy and annoying thoughts, I've often thought of just shutting it off somehow. Of course, no results came to mind when the topic was actually thought about, but that never changed the fact of how I wish I could actually focus on things a lot more.

The bus stopped at Rozen skytrain station and I rushed off, apologizing to anyone I ran into, only stopping, in heavy breathing, once I reached the ticket landing, the floor between the train's landing and ground level. I looked around for anyone suspicious looking, but found no one. The only people on the landing with me were those that got off the same bus as I did and a few people who were coming down to get on another bus. I stood by the railing next to he elevator for a few minutes, staring out past the glass wall into the endless no where. I live in a very large yet underpopulated fishing and docking city, one near the large Pacific ocean. Most of the ships that come in are from Asia or Oceania, bringing over immigrants, food, and clothes. Their culture is very welcome in our almost desolate city, but because of how few people there are here, it's not a very popular dock.

“Ah, it's finally you, Kusui.” I spin around, caught off guard, and face the man who called my name. This was him. He wore a black trench coat over a suit with a red tie and black sunglasses. He had blue eyes and shaggy black hair. I stared at him for a bit, thinking about what type of character he could be by his appearance. This, of course, was very wrong to do. Judge a person by appearance alone? Of course it was just me being prejudice, but how am I not supposed to do such a thing with this man? He was mysterious, very so, and I knew nothing about him except for his awkward love/hate feelings towards me. How did he feel, exactly, towards me?

He was leaning on a silver rail on the glass wall across the room, looking very casual and, somehow, handsome. He gave off a 'cool and mysterious' feeling. What was this feeling now? I took a few steps toward him and said, “What do you want with me? Who are you? How do you know my name?”

He laughed. “I know a lot of things about you, Kusui, but I'd really like to know more. What do you say to becoming my fiancee?” My face was still tense and mean, but then it sunk in. Did he just propose to me? At a skytrain station, none the less! I could feel myself loosen and I took a step back. What was he thinking?

“Are you... being serious?” I stutter, staring blankly at him. Why was there no one else around? Was this planned or something? He's toying with me! I can't let him do this! I take a few more steps back until I hit the glass wall and rail, both of which were icily cold. I freeze up. What's going to happen now?

“Of course I'm being serious. But, don't worry, you don't have to answer me, yet. You barely know me! Would you like to know more?” He seems so happy. Is it because he got to meet me? I wonder how long he's known about me...

“How did you know about me?”

“That's a boring question, but I'll answer it anyway, since I love you.” There was a pause and we just stared at each other. I could feel something between us spark, but it certainly wasn't love, not on my side, at least. “I saw you on the skytrain a few days ago. I suspect you were on your way to school, since it was about this time when I spotted you. I swear, it was love at first sight, Kusui.” There was a queasy feeling starting to erupt in my gut, and I wasn't sure what it was so I assumed it was just fear and anxiety.

His explanation left me with a deep desire to ask questions more so than before he answered. “How did you get my phone number? How do you know my name? Why do you know this stuff?” I shout, and for the first time since meeting him I felt glad there were no people nearby to witness my childish outburst.

But he just laughed at me. “I used the phoneseek website, of course!” I stared at him questionably. He chuckled again. “Such a cute puzzled face, Kusui. I'll explain. Before you got off the skytrain, I used phoneseek and took a picture of you. You bring it up on your phone and take a picture, then, on the website, it gives you all sorts of details about whatever you took a picture of.”

“You're a bad man, you know? You've been stalking me, haven't you?”

“Of course not! I've merely been talking to you through texts, and seeing you daily on the skytrain on the way to school. That's all, I swear. I wouldn't lie to you, Kusui. Really, I wouldn't.” I think about his words and choose to believe them. He proclaims his love for me with real feeling, I can sense it in his voice, but if he does love me, why did he threaten me like that? In the texts, he was such a strange man I could hardly come to a single conclusion.

“Tell me, why did you threaten my friends and I?” He took a few steps towards me. I felt threatened.

“If I didn't, and just randomly texted you today to visit me, would you have?” I considered it for a moment. If an unknown number texted me, would I visit the person? It seemed logical that I wouldn't have. To text me for a few days, to let me get to know the person to a degree, and to threaten my friends an I... Only under these conditions would I actually go and meet the person. I felt like I knew him, when I didn't. I came alone because I wanted to deal business with him, the threatening business which he had created between us. But with these words, it disappeared and the thought I had of him to kill me disappeared, too. His actions I am now clear of: he wants to have me as his lover. But why would he declare such a wild thing as asking me to marry him? At least he was courteous to give me time to answer him. This showed me he was at least thoughtful of the situation he had put me in. This was the first thing I actually liked in him. A desire for his facade to break now excited me. What else was there he was hiding?

“That is true... Could you tell me more about yourself?” He walked closer to me. Despite my earlier fear, it seemed to have dissipated because of all the thinking. I was still cautious, but no longer thought he was going to kill me, or rape me. It was a good feeling, not being afraid for your life. But soon he was just a foot away from me, and he bent down so our faces were just a few inches apart. I wished someone was on the ticket landing with us so I could call out for help. I wish someone was here to help me. This was not at all making me feel good. I take all those good things about him back! All of it, taken back! Get him away from me!

I shut my eyes and pressed myself into the glass wall as much as I could. I wanted to melt, I wanted to slither away like a snake. I wanted to get away from him any possible way I could... so why couldn't I? Besides back away, why couldn't I move? What was wrong with me? It was like he had put a spell on me, or cursed me to stone. Who was he?

I expected him to do something atrocious, but instead he just patted the top of my head and smiled a wide and bright grin. Then he came closer and whispered in my ear, “I'm not going to reveal so much of me on our first meeting, Kusui. And I'll keep what I know about you a secret, too, so don't worry, okay? I'm completely devoted to you, and you alone. Just don't worry, okay?” And then he took himself back, patted my head again, and started walking towards the stairs to the skytrain platform.

I felt on my face a tingly and warm sensation. This must be a blush... I don't remember the last time I blushed, it must have been before my three-year break. Whatever happened during those years really changed me, and I barely know what happened. Then it came to me: Could this man know something about my missing time? It is possible, since he already knows so much about me. It's all self proclaimed, but I'll believe him. He seems nice enough, maybe if I put a little trust in him he'll open up more?

“Won't you be going to school?” I look up at him, already past the first flight of stairs.

“Ah.. well, yes...”

“I don't approve of you skipping. … If I ever find out you're missing studies except for sick leave, I will personally take you back to class and make you stay there the rest of the day. You understand?” I nod my head, roll my eyes, and follow him to the skytrain platform. What a strange person.

“So.. uh, do you intend to take me to school now?” I ask as the skytrain comes into the station, blowing cold wind past us and everyone on the platform. Warm steam begins to splurge out, giving me a good feeling. We get on the train, both of us showing the conductor our monthly train passes, and look for seats in a relatively people-free car. He doesn't answer until we find good seats, fussing over such trivial things like there being too many people with us, or there being a few rips and repairs in the leather seats. Honestly, I don't see how things like this matter at all. But when we finally sit down, he takes the first seat next to the isle, leaving me the scenic view next to the window. Is he trying to distract me while asking questions? I will be on guard.

I take the seat next to him and I can see him smile a big grin out of the corner of my eye. He's so happy. Can it really be just from meeting me, or does he have something up his sleeve? My curiosity is very nagging right now, but he's not giving me anymore answers.

“Kusui... what are you thinking about? You've been very deep in thought ever since we left the ticket landing. Why is that? Are you thinking about me? Hahaha. I'm not going to give you anymore answers for today.”

I frowned and guided my eyes out the window. “I already know that. … I'm thinking about stuff, okay? You have no right to know what I'm thinking.” I didn't get to see his expression but I expected something of either sadness or slyness.

“Is that so? Is my pure devotion to you really not enough to let me pry into your personal life?” I shake my head. “What if I told you already know a lot about you, Kusui? What if I told you there aren't a lot of things about you I don't know?” Immediately I spin my head to face him. I look him straight in the eyes. He's serious.

“Tell me what you know,” I demand, but he only laughs at me.

“Should I? You're not telling me something very simple, so why should I tell you something, also, very simple? Hm?” All I could do was frown and look away from him. Pure devotion? Love? It's all bullshit. He's probably bluffing, wanting to get something out of me. Do I really seem that stupid? “You're probably thinking about how I'm just lying to you, but I assure you I'm not lying, Kusui. It's true I met you on the skytrain a few days ago, but when I found out who you were, I realized you weren't just some person who I thought was highly attractive and wanted to marry. No, I knew you from your past. Four years ago, actually, was our very first meeting. It appears you know nothing from those days, do you?” I tense and stare blankly out the window.

Is what he's saying the truth? Why would he say such a thing? Why would he lie to me like that? He obviously knows nothing. He's just trying to get closer by claiming he's known me in the past. He's just lying...

But no matter how much I try to make myself believe he's telling me lies and nothing but false things, the more it seems his words are true. He knows something about me that not even I know. He does not deserve this privilege. I should be the one who knows everything about me, but instead, it is this man, who knows everything. No, wait, he doesn't. He said so himself there are things about me not even he knows. This thought settles me a bit, but him knowing about my missing three years is still very bothering. He knows me, he really knows me! … This is really unfair.

I'm startled by his hand resting on my tense fist. I look down at it as if my own hand were alien to me. His head comes closer to me until he finally reaches my shoulder and leans on it with his forehead. “I'm sorry,” he says. Why would he apologize? What is there to apologize for? Is it because he knows something that I don't? If it is, he should apologize! This is no light matter! My thoughts and memories should belong to me and me alone, not a stranger like him. A desire to strip him of all thought capabilities breaks loose in me, but it subsides when I hear his next words. “Honestly, Kusui, I'm sorry. I never meant to do those awful things to you... I love you! I can finally say this... I can finally say I love you... to you, and clearly! I'm sorry, I really am. Please forgive me, please accept me again. I don't care if you remember about me, or the past, whatever happened during those three years, but please overlook and let me into your heart again. That's all I wish for, please...”

These words startled me and I was quite taken aback. Why would he say things like this? He is guilty, that's for sure, but why? What did he do? It was something bad, something bad towards me. Our history is not merely friends or acquaintances, like I had initially thought, there is something between us that I cannot remember. Do I not remember because I don't want to? Has my mind forcibly cut it all out to save myself? That might be it, according to this man's words. He just keeps becoming even more of a mystery to me, but I want to comfort him. This strange and foreign desire to help him overcomes me and I am perplexed by it. Why does this feeling suddenly appear? Why now, after he's said all this, and not earlier, when I had known nothing about him? Is it sympathy? Towards someone I currently don't know, but used to know... My body must remember. My mind doesn't, but my body does. I continue to stare down at our hands, his tightly wrapped around my still tense one. I can feel my eyes squint in thought, in a weird sort of feeling that has now overtaken me. I don't want this... I don't want this! But, maybe, if I loose to it on purpose, it won't be so bad?

I close my eyes and let my body move on its own. I sigh deeply as my free hand covers his and I lean my head down on his. I close my eyes and I can feel how tense he is now. It surprised me. He looked so casual, so leisurely, as if he was making time just for me and had everything completely under control... Was he like this the whole time of our meeting? Oh, that's right. He must have been thinking these kinds of thoughts since he first found out who I was. It's been a few days since then. He's been holding them back for so long? These words are deep, and carefully thought out. They must be true and sincere.

My eyes are still closed and I can feel a light smile come to my lips. I laugh lightly, but not at him, at the situation. “You're not saying anything, and you laugh at me. … You don't believe me?” I feel him pull away but I quickly let my hand leave his and put it to his head, pushing it gently back to my shoulder.

“Shh, shh... I'm not laughing at you, sir, I'm laughing at our situation. … Don't you think it's funny?” He gave me no reply, and I have no idea whether I'm heading in the right or wrong direction, since my mind is blank of words to say and I am acting completely out of my body's memory, not my own. I decide to tell him. “You know, I might not remember anything about you,” I feel him tense, and tremble, beneath my hand, “but, my body does. I'm not doing anything on my own accord, I'm just listening to what my body feels like doing, to what it's telling me. Doesn't that mean it's forgiven you?” I hear him sigh.

“I would suppose so. … But maybe you won't, after you find out what I did to you.” I open my eyes and glance at him out of the corner of my eyes.

“Would I really? Don't you love me, and believe in me? I'm a bit different than how I was in the past, I would guess. Coming out of that jail-like school facility really changed me--”

“No, you're the same. You'll always be the same, Kusui. Always. This I know for sure. You will always be Kusui Hayase, no matter what you go through. The only thing that can change you is--” He quickly stops himself and I know he's bitten his own tongue of speech. I decide to pester.

“Hm? The only thing that can change that is what?”

“It's nothing. Never mind.” He quickly lifts his head and leaves my hand alone. I feel the air on where he once touched. It is cold. So is my shoulder, where his head once lay. I feel alienated and lonely. It's because of him, isn't it? Hah, the me of now has known him for not even an hour, yet she already feels like this towards him? Maybe there really was something that happened between us...!

What am I talking about? Of course there is, even my body told me so when I reacted the way it did. There was definitely something between us that is now lost. Or is it? He seems to want to keep it, or gain a higher level of it. So does my body... A stinging pain of loss resonates in me and a deep desire to know my past springs up. Not ever has it been this strong or painful. I can only blame this man sitting next to me. I can blame him for a lot of things, now. There are probably a lot of things I should blame him for. But I can't, because I can't remember, and nothing he's done so far which I can remember is blame-worthy (besides the painful loss of my three years, but that's beside the point I'm trying to state).

Suddenly, he stands. I look surprisingly up at him. “Your stop is here.” He walks into the isle and waits for me to go. I sigh before following him out onto the train's platform. He suddenly stops when we reach ground level. I bash into him because my head was down, watching my own feet walk. “Sorry,” he says. Very normal, casual, natural. But even now, is he really? Or is he still tense, like before? I want to ask, but don't. I wonder what's holding me back? “But, which way is your school?

I laugh, and it feels like it's been a long time since I let out a real, humorous laugh. “It's this way,” I said, and lead him towards the docks, towards the ocean.

“Ah.”

“What are you planning on doing, exactly?” I knew I caught him off guard, and I really wish I could see his face, but because I don't want him to know I want to see his expression, so I continue walking. After a long pause of silence and walking, I sigh. “Well?”

“I don't exactly know. To marry you? For you to become my fiancee, now that I can properly tell you I love you?” I stop and turn to look at him straight in the eyes. His words sounded sarcastic to me, but I knew they were real. He proposed to me earlier. I know what he wants, but I don't know what he's going to do about it.

“Just tell me your feelings, please. I'm extremely curious.”

“Too bad. I'm not telling.” I cross my arms and my eyes sharpen.

“I'm not going to lead you to school.”

“That'd mean you're skipping, and remember what I said about you skipping? … And besides, we're close enough to see other students walking. It's too bad you can't lead me, because they now can.” I look around as he talks, and mentally slap myself when I see other students of my school, friends, enemies, everyone. “I can follow them while carrying you to class. Do you really want to be embarrassed like that in front of your classmates, after finally establishing a normal life?” I shake my head as I look away and back up at him. “Good, now let's proceed.” I let out a heavy, thick sigh as one especially loud truck come crying down the road, heading into the docks. After it passes, I see a group of very familiar people in front of me as they walk the muddy, and grassy, path between the paint warehouse and the main road. A bell of happiness chimes inside me as, finally, I see something normal and rational. Very much unlike this man behind me, who I have still yet to know the name of.

One my friends call out, “Hey, Kusui!” They notice the man behind me immediately after they call me. “Um, could you come here?” I know by ear it's my friend Delilah, and she sounds nervous. I quickly glance up at the man behind me, and when he looks down at me I sprint off to my group of friends.

“Hey, Kusui, you okay? I thought you didn't like running in the morning,” Derrick states.

“I'm fine,” I breathe as I look behind me at the man. He looks unphased by my action, except for the fact his pace quickens slightly. I ignore it and pay full attention to my friends, trying to forget about him. “So, what's up, Del?”

“Who's that man you're with? He looks weird. How he's dressed and all... Just wait until Starla gets the gist of this! It'll be all over the school! I think it's best to not tell her. At least, not yet.” I stare at her and her concerned face. It seems silly to me now that someone would be worried about him, but that's only because I've spent some time with him. At the beginning, it was like this for me, too. I remember, it was not long ago when I was very nervous and assertive. When I was careful, cautious, and on constant guard. But even though I've spent time with him, I know, I still don't know anything about him besides the fact he knows me, and we have history together.

“It's okay, Del.”

“I don't know what you mean. How is it okay? A man dressed like that... in a tattered trench coat but a classy suit? Those are really clashing pieces of clothing, don't you think?” She has a point. “Don't you wonder who he is, or what he's up to? Where he works, if he's dangerous or not... Look! He's even wearing dark sunglasses! It's cloudy and gray, for goodness sake! It looks like it's about to rain, yet he wears such dark sunglasses? He's crazy and strange! Stop hanging around with him, Kusui! I think it's best.” This piece of advice I could not listen to, or abide by. She does not know, she simply does not know what information he holds. He is of value to me, such value no one in this whole school would understand. I'm sorry Delilah, I cannot listen to your advice.

“I'm not going to answer that, or listen to your advice, but please know and understand that things are going to be okay. There's something you don't know right know, but it's okay. Because I'll make everything okay.” I smile brightly at her and she returns a smile, although it's pathetic and filled with pity.

She hugs me and says, “Alright. I'll trust you.” But just then someone yanks me away from Delilah. “Hey! You idiot behemoth! Give Kusui back! I wasn't done hugging her!” she whined.

I tried escaping, but it was no use. Everyone laughed at my troubled state. “Eli, let go!” I demanded.

“No!” he wailed and snuggled with me further. “I haven't seen my cute little Kusui this in troubled state since she first came here at the beginning of school!” He mushed my cheeks and ruffled my hair. I continued to struggle.

“Ah, Eli! You're impossible!” I shout, but this time there is laughter between my words. “Just let go! … Ahaha! Eli!” He spins me around on his shoulders like an airplane, and everyone laughs at us. We're always such kids when together. What's to be expected when he was the reason for my coming here, to this city?

His name is Elijah Edwards, and I've known him ever since my first day of water activities in that jail-like school. He sat across from me, and was always like an older brother to me, even saving me from a certain incident near the end of the year. When I found out he was also leaving the school to go somewhere else, he offered me a family to stay with, a school, and a group of friends. He completely included me into his life, and he's always been such a good person to me. I know a few people are jealous of my relationship with him, and probably assume we're dating, but we're not. It's pure intentions between us, and is it not a brother-sister bond we show and have? I mean, he picks me up and swings me around like an airplane. He gives me noogies and makes fun of me, teases me. He can be really mean, too, if I happen to catch him in a bad mood or if I piss him off. He's done things like push me into mud, push me into the freezing ocean water, and throw me into oncoming traffic, but he's actually a really nice guy...

When Eli sets me down, Derrick says, “Feeling dizzy, Sue?”

I talk a few steps in an 's' pattern before replying, “Uh... yeah.”

We all laugh and talk, then. Everything is normal, and perfect. Until Eli does something unexpected. He grabs my shoulder and whispers to me, very closely, and suspiciously. He says, “Sue, you know that man behind us has been following us for a while, right? When we stop, he stops, when we go, he goes... Has he been bothering you? If so, I could teach him a lesson...” He pauses as he notices the expression of coldness on my face. He backs away and says, as if announcing to everyone, “Or, I can consider him your boyfriend and have a nice chat with him. What do you say, Sue?” I was about to reply when the man in question swiftly walks into the group, breaks the conversation, and grabs me by the waist. These sudden movements surprise me and I let out a short yelp.

“Excuse me, I'll be borrowing her until we get to school,” he proclaims as he pulls me away from my group of friends. Is he crazy? Why would this man do such a thing? He suddenly takes a quick turn and my mind becomes cluttered. This is the shortcut to school, but it's only available when the tide is out. To use the shortcut, you have to climb down a dock, cross some sand, and then climb up the other side. Because the area is private property, we only use it if we're late and the tide is out. This is no such occasion, besides the tide being out.

His grip lets go when we reach the dock and have to climb down. I look at him directly in the eyes. They are cold, and listless. I am surprised, but continue with my scolding. “Are you crazy? What were you thinking, pulling me away like that? You can't do things like that! Especially while in the middle of a conversation--!”

“Who was that?” he asked, and looked down at me. His voice sounded furious, but it was kept at a good volume and he held no expression. This feeling was like a void.

“What?” I stutter. What was he talking about? … Was it Eli? Was he talking about Eli? “Are you... jealous? Of Eli?” He glanced behind him at where we had come from, as if checking to see if Eli were there, come to check up on us.

“Is that his name?” Then he focused his attention back to me. “What's your relationship with him? Is he your boyfriend? Is that why you're neglecting me?” His last words sounded frantic and I felt sad, helpless, and disappointed. It was almost like when he was profusely apologizing to me back on the train. Except this feeling was more direct, and heavier on my chest than my mind. I could feel no sadness in his voice, but merely distress.

“Erm, no, he's not. And I'm not neglecting you! … I met him at the jail school. He's like a brother to me.” I shook my head. “No, he is a brother to me.”

“I see. That's good, then. Because you can only be mine.” And with that he patted my head with a happy face. His words and feelings felt like they were strangling me, as if he was just piling on his feelings and actions on top of me, forcing me to love him back. If that is so, is what he feels truly love? Or is it something else? “Don't worry, I'll wait forever until you can give me a proper answer.”

Hesitantly, I ask, “Proper answer? Are you talking about a yes? Will you only accept my answer if it's a yes?” I felt my throat tighten and hear my voice tremble.

“No, that's not what I meant. I mean a proper yes or no. I won't take any maybe's or in time's. I want a clear yes, or no. I will not take any other words than those two.” He sounded so sure of himself, and it really made me consider how to reply to what the said. I look down at my feet and think.

What would he do if I say no? Would he leave me forever? Or will he constantly chase me until I said yes? If he truly loves me, he would leave me alone if I said I really did not love him, and did not want to marry him. He might, but there's a chance he'll still stay, because he loves me and wants to protect me. It seems so silly to me, for some reason. And there are so many things here that I can doubt so easily, but I'm not. And not doubting him makes me feel crazy, and makes all this feel fake. Like I'm dreaming or something. Am I really sure I'm not dreaming? Am I really sure that I've lived life past that jail school? For all I know, I cold be sleeping back in my comfy bed, still a young eleven years old, still pure and annoying. Still lazy, and procrastinating. Still so young... But how would I know? There's nothing that's going to tell me, is there? I've felt pain here, but does that truly mean I'm not dreaming? Might there be something strange or different about me, that wold cause me to feel pain while dreaming? Could that be why I can't dream these days? It makes sense, when I make it make sense and when I let it fall into place. So why...?

“Don't worry, I won't let you answer me properly until you know what happened during your missing three years, okay? And I promise to leave you alone if you want me to. But, please, do try to consider any new memories we make together, alright? Try to remember my apology today on the train, remember I love you, and always will, Kusui. There's no one else for me but you.” Again, there's a suffocating feeling about his words. There's something to them... what is it?

It's the piling, isn't it?

“Can you not say you love me so much? Not declare yourself to me?” He is taken aback and I stares down at me, but considers it, and waits for further explanation. “It's feeling... kind of suffocating.”

“Ah, that makes sense, Kusui. It's just like you to feel that way. I bet it's just your old self trying to keep you away from me. I always knew you secretly despised me, but I never knew it'd carry on even to this new-like you.” I could feel a tingling feeling in my gut. What was he talking about? I was about to ask for an explanation when he interrupted me, “School will start soon. Look, across the dock, your friends are already waiting... And look, that Eli is waiting for you, isn't he?” I follow his eyes and look across the empty dock to see Eli leaning against the school's front, which is really just a warehouse with rooms, desks, and chairs.

“He is...”

“Must be worried. … He knows nothing. Come, let's cross.” Carefully, he takes me down, across, and up, to the other side. We appear through the dew-wet stalks of cattails to be greeted by Eli.

“Hello, Sue, and company. I would like to take custody of her now, is that okay? She is my only little sister, after all. Not like it's easy to replace her.” I let out a light laugh and take a step towards him, only to be pulled back by the wrist. His grip was tight and painful.

“Hm?”

He leans down to my ear and whispers, “You can call me Fatalis,” before kissing my forehead, saying goodbye, and then leaving.

“Just who is he, Sue? Is it true he's your boyfriend? I don't want my sister being caught up in men like him.”

Unnaturally, I laugh and smile at him. “He's not my boyfriend, Eli, but he's like one. … And his name is Fatalis.”