In My Heart

[misundastood-51.livejournal.com]

Your picture rests on my shelf
Just as it did before you left
But even the though it may look the same
The frame is broken
And the photo is torn in my eyes
Because you are no longer here with me
And the shadows on the wall show it
We used to be one
And now I’m just a half
Without you, I am not complete
There used to be two white doves on the shelf
Now there’s only one
The lonesome one
And no other dove can take its place
Even though I may move on in this life
You’ll always have that special place
In my heart…

Comments

[nontu.livejournal.com]

Your picture rests on my shelf
Just as it did before you left
But even the though it may look the same
The frame is broken
And the photo is torn in my eyes
--
Better with the first line being photo instead of picture, then you can change the torn line into "And the picture torn" so it will match the short frame sentence better.
---
Because you are no longer here with me
And the shadows on the wall show it
---
Again, it would likely be better shorter. Try removing "with me" and "it" at the ends.
---
We used to be one
And now I’m just a half
Without you, I am not complete
There used to be two white doves on the shelf
Now there’s only one
The lonesome one
And no other dove can take its place
---
This reads like the lonesome dove can't be replaced by another dove, rather than (I assume) replacing the spot of the bird that left.
---
Even though I may move on in this life
You’ll always have that special place
In my heart…".
---
Better impact if you remove the last line. Heart is kind of Hallmark-y.