writers_loft | (no subject)

Hey everyone, this is my first post to this community. I am slowly working on a story that I would really love some feedback on. This is the first draft so I'm sure it's full of spelling and grammar mistakes, feel free to point them out and give any advice.
It's a fantasy fiction piece about a world ruled my Gods and mystic energies.

“Why do I need to be here? Aren't Flit and Wybocky going to be enough? You don't really think we need four people for one item.” asked Jason. He had been standing in the dark, underground auction house for over an hour and the item he and his brother were here for still hadn't been put up for bidding. He ran one large hand over his face and sighed. Being in one place for too long wasn't his thing, especially when that place was underground. Although the auction house was underground, it was a large room and although there were at least 200 people there for the auction it was not crowded. The auctioneer stood on a large stage behind a podium with two tall flag poles on either side of her displaying the crest of Thadzon's realm (an open book with birds flying out of it), she was motioning to the item on the table beside her. It looked like a glass monkey was being bid on.

Matthew could sense his brother's impatience and he understood it, he was starting to become impatient himself. “Where would you rather be Jay? That tavern we passed on the way here?” he asked irritated.

“You read my mind. That's exactly where I'm going, you seem to have this under control.” he said turning on the spot and striding towards the door. “Flit, Wybocky you guys can stay here with the big guy, sorry bro's!” Flit, a short skinny man with bright red hair and freckles on every visible piece of skin grumbled under his breath about being left behind, while Wybocky, a large (in stature and girth) man with no hair what-so-ever seemed to not even realize he was being spoken too. He just kept standing straight and looking straight ahead waiting for exact orders.

“Item 1604 is up for bidding!” called the auctioneer.

Delia tried to take in her surroundings. For the last few hours she had been coming in and out of consciousness and every time she came around she seemed to be in a different place. First she thought she was in some sort of field, with daisies maybe, and a large sun glaring down on her, then it was pitch dark, it felt like a box, she could barely move. Then she remembered being pulled out of the box and feeling rough hands pulling some sort of dress or robe over her head. Now Delia was finally able to stay awake and she seemed to be back stage in some sort of auction house. The room was dark but people kept rushing by her carrying strange objects and rolling trollies onto the stage where The auctioneer could be heard leading the bidding. Two large men, they looked like they would be pacific islanders, were holding her under each elbow and she had a rope tied around her small wrists. Delia put two and two together and decided that she was not in the mood to be auctioned off to the highest bidder. She tried quickly to think up a plan in her head. Running for it seemed like the only way, but not with these guys holding her so tight. She looked out onto the stage, maybe that was the answer, she could see a flag pole that would be in her reach once she was out there, but no more time to think. The auctioneer had called what seemed to be the magic number and Delia was being dragged onto the stage.

“Wait!” Matthew called to his brother, “This is it!” Jason turned around and watched as two large men escorted a woman with rope tied around her wrists onto the stage.

“What the hell..” he hissed to Matthew, he wasn't expecting it to be a person, he wasn't into slave trading and he didn't own any slaves of his own. He was surprised his brother would bring them here to bid on this. He crossed his arms and took one pitying glance at the girl they were bidding on. She looked like a bird that had been un-caged for a moment, only to know that it would be re-caged sooner rather than later.

“Calm down, I'll explain later.” whispered Matthew. He too was stunned, but not for the same reasons as his brother. He had known it would be a woman, but this woman, she was beautiful. She had long golden hair that, Matthew was sure, would sparkle in the sunlight, her skin was the colour of honeydew and her eyes, they were the strangest, most marvelous green he had ever seen. He raised his paddle to bid. There where two other men bidding but they both dropped out once the bidding went to over 100,000 pearls. Matthew smiled to himself. His prize was won.

Jason watched the girl's face as the words rung out that his brother had won her. He was expecting tears, but her face changed and her expression changed.

“Watch out!” he called to the two men holding her, but it was too late. When they were focusing on moving her, she struggled free and used one of the flag polls to knock the one over the head and the other in the groin. She came running down the isle so fast that few of the crowd of bidders even made a move to grab her. “Flit! Don't miss her!” yelled Matthew, as the girl ran right passed his crew member.

Flit grabbed her and she swung around thrusting her palm into his nose and kicking his shin.

“Fuck!” he yelled and let go. She ran for the door, but Jason, Matthew and Wybocky were right on her tail. She had barely made it into the street when Wybocky grabbed her with one huge fat arm and threw the flailing woman over his shoulder as if she was just a small teddy bear.

“Put me down fat ass!” screamed Delia pounding and kicking her fists and feet into his big body as hard as she could.

“Lets get her back to the ship as fast as possible. Good work Wybocky, make sure you hold onto her tight.” said Matthew as calmly as if Wybocky really was just holding a teddy bear.

“You tried pal,” Jason patted Flit on the back as they followed Matthew and Wybocky down into the harbor where their ship was docked. “She's a feisty one.” he laughed.

Flit nodded and rubbed his nose, “She has great aim.”

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