writers_loft | Getting the fear across...?

I want to make sure the fear is being put across as i should be for my story, because theres going to be a lot of bullying, nervousness and tenseness portrayed.
I want it be as extreme as i can get it, because this is based on things that have really happened to me and i feel my heart speed up a little, my hands shake a bit thinking about what happened. It had to really have shaken me even though i can only remember certain bits to make me react like this only six years later.

Year 6 - Where The Heart Is

I signed my name, along with a kiss on the last letter, then waved them in the air.

"I'm done!" I cried, standing up.

A series of rattles came from the kitchen followed by my Nan's voice, "Good girl, put them in the envelopes and we'll take them round to the letter box."

I sealed the last envelope and attached the stamp to the corner, just above the puppy motif on the stationary. My Nan came into the room, holding a bowl and whisk which she handed to me and i eagerly took. I began to whisk with all my might.

"I'll go get you're coat."

"Don't want it." I protested, swapping hands. It was only harder whisking with my left so i swapped again.

"Are you sure Nikki?"

I stopped whisking. Standing up i gave the bowl to my Nan and said quietly, "Don't call me that anymore Nanny."

There was a look of understanding on her face. Nikki. The reason i was where i was. Mum had taken me up north with her to Bolsover when she'd moved in with Dean. It was great, i even called him Daddy and walked to school woth my best friends. Then, after Dean and Mum split, i had a run in with Nikki.

On the way home from school, i ran to catch up with Becca. We'd had an argument at lunch but it was sorted. Nikki stepped in front of me, asking why i was being nast to her friend. It only got worse so i tried to call Mum. Thats when Nikki kicked me, right behind my left knee.

I ran.

And kept running when i looked behind me and saw her following. I was in tears; i remember my soaking wet cheeks. I felt like i'd lost my stomach. In the same way, i'd come to know, you did on a rollercoaster. My heart was pounding, with both fear and exhustion; it was a long way home. I felt sick, my insides had gone all wrong.

Someone stopped me running. A woman, she had a kind face. "Are you alright?" She'd asked me.

I told her Nikki was after me and that i needed to call my mum. I started typing on my phone. Do you know what she said to me? "Nikki? But she wouldn't hurt a fly!"

Mummy answered. I looked behind me again, only to see Nikki coming over the hill, closely followed by Becca, who seemed to be shouting.

I ran again. Begging my Mum to come get me. I felt like screaming when she said she would have to hang up. Her voice, knowin where she was had made my heart slow a little, but now it sped up again.

It wasn't long until i saw my Mum running around the corner. She slowed as i ran into her, bending down to take me into her arms. "I WANT TO GO HOME!" I cried into her shoulder.

Mum wanted to confront Becca and her Mum about Nikki, but didn't want to go while i was still shaking. To make me laugh, she said she'd let me watch the bit in Buffy when Angel came back to life, and wouldn't cover my eyes, "My nekkid Angel!" She'd say playfully.

Did her hand go red when we were walking to Becca's? I think it might've done i was holding on so hard.

It was after that we started to plan to go back to Essex, where the rest of our family lived. I'd been at my Nan and Grandad's writing to the friends i'd left behind, my child's mind replacing memories of real fear with the funny, giggly fear i felt when Darth Vader came on the screen; his voice was strange on my Grandad's old videos.