[LJ Story] Part 3

[thorarosebird.livejournal.com]

Hello writers_loft! I've just posted part three of my story on my journal and I'd like some help on it... it doesn't really sit well with me. Help! Any suggestions on rephrasing and stuff like that would be very welcome. :) Can comments go to my journal, please, so I can keep track of any? Thank you.

http://thorarosebird.livejournal.com/3353.html

Rating: PG
Genre: Fantasy
Length: approx 2000 words

thorarosebird