writing conversatations

[dreaming-knight.livejournal.com]

Hello Writer's Loft! I have a question. I've never been good with writing conversations and am wondering if I got the the formating right? Anyone have any rules to keep in mind? Here are two little parts I've written. The parts I'm mostly worried about are the formatting of the first piece of writing and this doesn't doesn't seem write "Could it be my mind playing tricks on me? She wonders" Thanks a lot for the help!

They lie in bed, holding each other close, talking quietly.
    “How long has it been Nathaniel?”
    “Three years today.”
    “It feels longer than that, but in a good way.”
She looks at him and smiles
    “I hope this never ends.”
Nathaniel Kisses Vivian softly and smiles back
    “It won’t, I promise”

 

There they were again, just like the day before, sticking to the shadows, even in the full of day almost like they’re surrounded by an aura of darkness. She only sees them out of the corner of her eye, never moving but always following.
Could it be my mind playing tricks on me? She wonders
The creatures of darkness were all but banished long ago. She continues down the cobblestone street to her home, to her lover’s arms

Comments

[dunmurderin.livejournal.com]

The only changes I would make in the first piece is that I'd indent the non-dialogue parts as well. You might also want to tag some of the dialogue with the actions of the person speaking them, to help give a sense of who is saying what. Or not, it depends on how you want the scene to flow.

Otherwise, as far as punctuation goes, you've got everything right except the fifth, seventh and eighth sentences appear to be missing periods -- unless that's intentional, in which case, you're good to go.

In the second bit, I usually put thoughts in italics, like so: Could it be my mind playing tricks on me?. You could also flip the end tag and have it: She wonders: Could it be my mind playing tricks on me? (This is a personal thing, but the capitalized She bothers me but I don't think it's necessarily incorrect so much as a stylistic decision.)

[dreaming-knight.livejournal.com]

so when writing dialog you can put in front of the talking stuf that the person talking is doing, like waving their hands and what not?
if the action concerns both talkers it's the same?
Nut if it's something else in the room say the clock falls off the wall it goes on a new line?

Thanks for the help!

[dunmurderin.livejournal.com]

so when writing dialog you can put in front of the talking stuf that the person talking is doing, like waving their hands and what not?

Yes; you can put it either in front or behind the dialogue For example:

"Let's all go to the lobby!" The popcorn box jumped up and down, moving up the aisle.

OR

The popcorn box jumped up and down, moving up the aisle. "Let's all go to the lobby!"

if the action concerns both talkers it's the same?
Nut if it's something else in the room say the clock falls off the wall it goes on a new line?

In these cases, the actions should probably be their own paragraph to avoid confusion. If it's two characters acting at the same time, you might be able to put the dialogue in the same paragraph, so long as it's clear who is speaking.

"Let's all go to the lobby!" The popcorn box grabbed the soda cup by the arm, half-dragging him up the aisle. The soda cup stumbled, but quickly recovered himself.
"And have ourselves a snack?" The soda cup asked.

If the action isn't somehow related to the dialogue, it should be in a separate paragraph. Again, this is to avoid confusion on the part of the reader.

The MPAA rating card flashed, making it clear that the first half of the double feature was indeed over. Around the theatre, the audience stretched and stood and prepared themselves for the intermission rush to the restrooms.
"Let's all go to the lobby!" The popcorn box hopped out of his seat, grabbing the soda cup by the hand. "Come on! Let's all go to the lobby!"
"And get ourselves a snack?" The soda cup stumbled as the popcorn box half-dragged him up the aisle.

Hope this helps, now I want popcorn...

[dreaming-knight.livejournal.com]

*hands you a big bag of popcorn!* thanks for all the help :) especially the example >_< Entertaining and informative! 10/10!
^_^

[nae-k.livejournal.com]

Hey, there! Dialogue can be tricky.

I second dunmurderin's comments and have inserted some suggestions for you.

I'd indent the non-dialogue. (If you like indenting, I'd use this formatting style for your second piece too. Keep your writing consistent.)

I've added some missing punctuation and changed some letter-casing, all of which I've contained within parentheses () so you can spot the changes. :D


They lie in bed, holding each other close, talking quietly.
“How long has it been(,) Nathaniel?”
“Three years today.”
“It feels longer than that, but in a good way.” She looks at him and smiles(.)
“I hope this never ends.” Nathaniel Kisses(kisses) Vivian softly and smiles back(.)
“It won’t, I promise(.)”

There they were again, just like the day before, sticking to the shadows, even in the full of day almost like they’re surrounded by an aura of darkness. She only sees them out of the corner of her eye, never moving but always following.
'Could it be my mind playing tricks on me?' She (she) wonders(.)
The creatures of darkness were all but banished long ago. She continues down the cobblestone street to her home, to her lover’s arms(.)

Regarding, 'Could it be my mind playing tricks on me?' she wonders. You can either put thoughts in italics or use quotation marks, but not both. The choice is yours. I prefer italics. Many published books use double quotation marks for thoughts (" ") and single quotation marks for speech (' ')--vice versa is also acceptable.

When your dialogue ends in punctation that is not a comma (i.e., an exclamation mark, or question mark), you should still keep the tag that follows in lower case letters (she wonders rather than She wonders). Though I must admit, I've seen many do what you've done (She instead of she). But putting 'she' in lower case letters is what my English style guide recommends and that's what I'm going with here.

[dreaming-knight.livejournal.com]

Wow :) thanks A-LOT. That was very helpful ^_^ I don't know why I missed those periods on the first piece >_<;; I shall look back on this often when writing dialog to help me through :)

[aravah.livejournal.com]

Here's an excellent link on how to punctuate dialogue (http://core.ecu.edu/engl/whisnantl/3850/quotes.htm). Also, I've got a number of dialogue-related links and articles here (http://community.livejournal.com/start_writing/tag/dialogue), at my resource comm, start_writing. Feel free to poke around. Hope that helps. :)

[indicinderelly.livejournal.com]

I'm not the OP but I'm going to check out these links too, as I have a horrible time with dialogue. Thank you for sharing :)

[aravah.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. :)

[dreaming-knight.livejournal.com]

hehe :) glad it could help you too :)

[unmotivated-sap.livejournal.com]

I'm new to the comm and I write amateurishly. (that's not a word. haha.)
But I've always have the hardest time doing dialogues, and this is great info! Thanks! To the asker and the answer-ers. (I know. Not a word either.) ^_^