Revised edition of chapter 1
Aug. 29th, 2008 03:20 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
mystical-chickn.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
writers_loftI completely changed the beginning of it (I didn't like how it begun anyway) and (hopefully) removed or changed all the repetitive stuff, as per ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
teadoll's suggestions. Hopefully it's better this time around. EDIT: Chapter 2 is here: http://community.livejournal.com/writers_loft/61148.html
CHAPTER ONE
In the late afternoon sun, a pale-blue-skinned woman was hiding behind a dheku bush, her wings fluttering slightly in the breeze, silently watching two other blue-skinned people who were sitting on the grass. It was apparent that they could not see her, as neither of them called attention to the bush the woman was hiding behind, nor indeed even looked at it. She could be as stealthy and silent as a cat when she needed to be, and right now, she did, and was. And she could wait all night if she had to in order to carry out what she’d been planning for several days.
Gaira, one of the people that the woman was spying on, collected some aratenu flowers—pale yellow things half-hidden in the grass—and breathed in their intoxicating aroma. She weaved them through her hair and Vru, her lovemate, commented on the scent.
"Nobody can wear aratenus like you, Gaira," Vru said. The woman flashed with indignation. She restrained herself from jumping out of her hiding place and confronting the two lovers. She watched—seethingly—as Vru kissed Gaira on the top of the head. One way or another, he would be hers. She just needed to wait.
After what seemed like a very long time, the woman could see Vru whisper something to Gaira and then stand up. She tensed up. This might be her chance. She made even her breathing quieter as Vru passed very close to the bush she was hiding behind. He didn’t even give the bush a second glance as he walked by, and then he spread his wings and took off.
The woman waited for a few minutes more, until she was sure that Vru was completely out of earshot. Then, again waiting until Gaira’s back was turned, she emerged from her hiding place, walked toward her, and called her name.
“Oh—Emyll,” said Gaira, turning around. “What brings you here? Vru was just here. He said he wanted to get us some berries. It’s such a lovely afternoon that we decided to have a little picnic. Do you want to join us?”
“Not particularly,” said Emyll dryly. She pushed a tendril of her black hair out of her eyes.
“Oh—well—if you feel like it, you’re more than welcome,” offered Gaira magnanimously.
“Thank you,” said Emyll, not sounding at all sincere, “but I really have more important things to do.” She leaned against a nearby tree, biding her time. She would be able to sense when the time was right to do what she was planning.
“Aren’t these pretty?” Gaira pulled a few of the aratenu flowers out of her hair. Their strong scent wafted through the air.
“Very,” said Emyll shortly. She knew she could never pull off wearing aratenus and this made her slightly jealous.
Gaira began to get a little miffed. “Why are you always so sarcastic?” she said. “One would hardly believe that we are sisters.”
“Half-sisters,” corrected Emyll automatically, with a little edge to her voice. It was positively unthinkable that she should be fully blood-related to this—girl. It was bad enough that they shared the same father.
Gaira didn’t respond, and Emyll still leaned against the tree. After a while Gaira said “Well—is there something you want? If you want to know the truth, you’re making me a bit nervous, standing there.”
“As a matter of fact, there is something,” Emyll replied. She walked purposefully up to Gaira and pulled out the sword she usually kept sheathed. All the people had swords, but Gaira didn’t think she’d be needing hers, so she’d left it at home. “I was actually planning on killing you tonight,” Emyll said, in a rather smooth, pleasant, yet dangerous voice, looking not at Gaira, but at the sword. She held its point very close to Gaira’s chest.
Gaira backed away, wide-eyed, and slipped on some wet leaves. "Killing me? Why? We’re sisters!" Her fear paralyzed her.
"Half-sisters, you little idiot," said Emyll darkly, "and if you must know, I’m going to kill you so you won’t get in the way of Vru and me.”
"Vru and—you! What do you mean?"
"I mean," said Emyll, looking at her reflection in the gleaming metal, "that once I'm rid of you, Vru will be mine."
For a moment Gaira could not speak. She sat there and stared at her half-sister, holding that sword as if it were a stick. So this was what it all came down to. She was going to die so that Emyll could have her lovemate. Well, that was just not going to happen. She rose and lunged forward—
—and fell back to the ground, violet blood spilling out of a gaping chest wound. She died almost instantly. Emyll's now-purple sword somehow found its way out of the body and back into the sheath. As if by magic, all traces of blood and tissue disappeared off the sword. Emyll had cast a spell over it so that it would do that, and she would not arouse suspicion. It only worked once, so Emyll thought, which may or may not have been good for her. In this case, it was good. Very good—but it would not be so good later.
Not ten minutes later, she heard a flapping of wings, and saw Vru in the sky overhead. Emyll quickly adopted a tragic look as Vru descended to the ground. He saw Gaira lying on the ground in a pool of purple blood, and Emyll, who had both hands covering her mouth and a terrified look in her eyes.
"By Goddess Akamure! What happened?" Vru knelt next to the dead Gaira and looked at Emyll, who was sniffling.
"Oh—Vru! It's all so terrible! I tried to stop him! I really tried!"
"Stop who? Emyll, calm down! Who killed Gaira?"
"There was … there was this … sniff … man … and he said … if I didn't give him … five thousand keiries, he would … he would … kill … Gaira!" More fake sniffs and sobs. "And I didn't … have … five thousand keiries … and I told him that … and he … and he … he … killed her!" Emyll's performance was quite convincing. She pretended to weep uncontrollably, and covered her face with her hands—although this was only because she didn’t want Vru to see that she wasn’t shedding any tears.
"Did he say his name?" Vru asked.
"Of course not, you idi—I mean, no! He didn't *sniff* say his name. But he did say that … he would be back. I want him dead, Vru!" Emyll looked at him with pleading iceblue eyes. "I want him—dead!"
"Let me see your sword." Vru's eyes were equally iceblue.
Not having any blood on the sword to condemn her, Emyll gladly handed it over. It glowed bright yellow for a fraction of a second upon leaving Emyll’s hands and being placed in Vru's. This did not warrant any suspicion as all the people’s swords did that. If the other person was evil, the yellow glow would stay and the sword would become hot and unwieldable.
"Hm. Nothing, as far as I can see. Emyll, what did he look like?" Vru handed the sword back to Emyll and she stuck it back in her sheath.
"We—ll," Emyll pretended to think hard for several moments, "uh, he had … blue skin, and blue eyes … oh and his hair was long … and he was about four feet tall”—four feet was considered rather tall—about equal to six and a half feet on Earth—"aaaand, um, he … he was wearing a green tunic … which clashed with his skin. Blue-skinned people should not wear green, in my opinion."
"Never mind your fashion qualms," said Vru. "Was he riding a horse?"
"I don't know."
"It wouldn't be too hard to figure out. Think, now. Was he on top of a large, four-legged creature? If he was, then—he probably was riding a horse, now, wasn't he?" The corner of Vru's mouth rose in a small smirk. But Emyll didn't notice, as she was staring past Vru to whoever had just come up behind him.
"VRU! IT'S HIM! THAT MAN KILLED GAIRA! KILL HIM NOW! KILL HIM!" Emyll's piercing shrieks reverberated in the forest. Vru didn't look at the man’s face as he grabbed Emyll's sword that she handed to him and plunged it blindly into the intruder's stomach. Then Vru's blinding rage disappeared and he saw whom he had killed.
His brother.
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Oh, BTW, if you want to know what Emyll, at least, looks like, imagine the black-haired chick who has the accent from the new Indiana Jones movie (I haven't seen it but she's in the trailer), except three and a half feet tall and with blue skin and wings, and that's EXACTLY what Emyll looks like.
teadoll's suggestions. Hopefully it's better this time around. EDIT: Chapter 2 is here: http://community.livejournal.com/writers_loft/61148.htmlCHAPTER ONE
In the late afternoon sun, a pale-blue-skinned woman was hiding behind a dheku bush, her wings fluttering slightly in the breeze, silently watching two other blue-skinned people who were sitting on the grass. It was apparent that they could not see her, as neither of them called attention to the bush the woman was hiding behind, nor indeed even looked at it. She could be as stealthy and silent as a cat when she needed to be, and right now, she did, and was. And she could wait all night if she had to in order to carry out what she’d been planning for several days.
Gaira, one of the people that the woman was spying on, collected some aratenu flowers—pale yellow things half-hidden in the grass—and breathed in their intoxicating aroma. She weaved them through her hair and Vru, her lovemate, commented on the scent.
"Nobody can wear aratenus like you, Gaira," Vru said. The woman flashed with indignation. She restrained herself from jumping out of her hiding place and confronting the two lovers. She watched—seethingly—as Vru kissed Gaira on the top of the head. One way or another, he would be hers. She just needed to wait.
After what seemed like a very long time, the woman could see Vru whisper something to Gaira and then stand up. She tensed up. This might be her chance. She made even her breathing quieter as Vru passed very close to the bush she was hiding behind. He didn’t even give the bush a second glance as he walked by, and then he spread his wings and took off.
The woman waited for a few minutes more, until she was sure that Vru was completely out of earshot. Then, again waiting until Gaira’s back was turned, she emerged from her hiding place, walked toward her, and called her name.
“Oh—Emyll,” said Gaira, turning around. “What brings you here? Vru was just here. He said he wanted to get us some berries. It’s such a lovely afternoon that we decided to have a little picnic. Do you want to join us?”
“Not particularly,” said Emyll dryly. She pushed a tendril of her black hair out of her eyes.
“Oh—well—if you feel like it, you’re more than welcome,” offered Gaira magnanimously.
“Thank you,” said Emyll, not sounding at all sincere, “but I really have more important things to do.” She leaned against a nearby tree, biding her time. She would be able to sense when the time was right to do what she was planning.
“Aren’t these pretty?” Gaira pulled a few of the aratenu flowers out of her hair. Their strong scent wafted through the air.
“Very,” said Emyll shortly. She knew she could never pull off wearing aratenus and this made her slightly jealous.
Gaira began to get a little miffed. “Why are you always so sarcastic?” she said. “One would hardly believe that we are sisters.”
“Half-sisters,” corrected Emyll automatically, with a little edge to her voice. It was positively unthinkable that she should be fully blood-related to this—girl. It was bad enough that they shared the same father.
Gaira didn’t respond, and Emyll still leaned against the tree. After a while Gaira said “Well—is there something you want? If you want to know the truth, you’re making me a bit nervous, standing there.”
“As a matter of fact, there is something,” Emyll replied. She walked purposefully up to Gaira and pulled out the sword she usually kept sheathed. All the people had swords, but Gaira didn’t think she’d be needing hers, so she’d left it at home. “I was actually planning on killing you tonight,” Emyll said, in a rather smooth, pleasant, yet dangerous voice, looking not at Gaira, but at the sword. She held its point very close to Gaira’s chest.
Gaira backed away, wide-eyed, and slipped on some wet leaves. "Killing me? Why? We’re sisters!" Her fear paralyzed her.
"Half-sisters, you little idiot," said Emyll darkly, "and if you must know, I’m going to kill you so you won’t get in the way of Vru and me.”
"Vru and—you! What do you mean?"
"I mean," said Emyll, looking at her reflection in the gleaming metal, "that once I'm rid of you, Vru will be mine."
For a moment Gaira could not speak. She sat there and stared at her half-sister, holding that sword as if it were a stick. So this was what it all came down to. She was going to die so that Emyll could have her lovemate. Well, that was just not going to happen. She rose and lunged forward—
—and fell back to the ground, violet blood spilling out of a gaping chest wound. She died almost instantly. Emyll's now-purple sword somehow found its way out of the body and back into the sheath. As if by magic, all traces of blood and tissue disappeared off the sword. Emyll had cast a spell over it so that it would do that, and she would not arouse suspicion. It only worked once, so Emyll thought, which may or may not have been good for her. In this case, it was good. Very good—but it would not be so good later.
Not ten minutes later, she heard a flapping of wings, and saw Vru in the sky overhead. Emyll quickly adopted a tragic look as Vru descended to the ground. He saw Gaira lying on the ground in a pool of purple blood, and Emyll, who had both hands covering her mouth and a terrified look in her eyes.
"By Goddess Akamure! What happened?" Vru knelt next to the dead Gaira and looked at Emyll, who was sniffling.
"Oh—Vru! It's all so terrible! I tried to stop him! I really tried!"
"Stop who? Emyll, calm down! Who killed Gaira?"
"There was … there was this … sniff … man … and he said … if I didn't give him … five thousand keiries, he would … he would … kill … Gaira!" More fake sniffs and sobs. "And I didn't … have … five thousand keiries … and I told him that … and he … and he … he … killed her!" Emyll's performance was quite convincing. She pretended to weep uncontrollably, and covered her face with her hands—although this was only because she didn’t want Vru to see that she wasn’t shedding any tears.
"Did he say his name?" Vru asked.
"Of course not, you idi—I mean, no! He didn't *sniff* say his name. But he did say that … he would be back. I want him dead, Vru!" Emyll looked at him with pleading iceblue eyes. "I want him—dead!"
"Let me see your sword." Vru's eyes were equally iceblue.
Not having any blood on the sword to condemn her, Emyll gladly handed it over. It glowed bright yellow for a fraction of a second upon leaving Emyll’s hands and being placed in Vru's. This did not warrant any suspicion as all the people’s swords did that. If the other person was evil, the yellow glow would stay and the sword would become hot and unwieldable.
"Hm. Nothing, as far as I can see. Emyll, what did he look like?" Vru handed the sword back to Emyll and she stuck it back in her sheath.
"We—ll," Emyll pretended to think hard for several moments, "uh, he had … blue skin, and blue eyes … oh and his hair was long … and he was about four feet tall”—four feet was considered rather tall—about equal to six and a half feet on Earth—"aaaand, um, he … he was wearing a green tunic … which clashed with his skin. Blue-skinned people should not wear green, in my opinion."
"Never mind your fashion qualms," said Vru. "Was he riding a horse?"
"I don't know."
"It wouldn't be too hard to figure out. Think, now. Was he on top of a large, four-legged creature? If he was, then—he probably was riding a horse, now, wasn't he?" The corner of Vru's mouth rose in a small smirk. But Emyll didn't notice, as she was staring past Vru to whoever had just come up behind him.
"VRU! IT'S HIM! THAT MAN KILLED GAIRA! KILL HIM NOW! KILL HIM!" Emyll's piercing shrieks reverberated in the forest. Vru didn't look at the man’s face as he grabbed Emyll's sword that she handed to him and plunged it blindly into the intruder's stomach. Then Vru's blinding rage disappeared and he saw whom he had killed.
His brother.
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Oh, BTW, if you want to know what Emyll, at least, looks like, imagine the black-haired chick who has the accent from the new Indiana Jones movie (I haven't seen it but she's in the trailer), except three and a half feet tall and with blue skin and wings, and that's EXACTLY what Emyll looks like.
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Date: 2008-08-30 10:38 pm (UTC)As I've mentioned a few times before, Emyll is my favorite character to write. I actually love her character so much that I've had ample opportunities to kill her off but I refuse to. She did, however, lose her left arm. I'm still undecided as to whether she'll die at the end.