Should I go on with character?
Jan. 10th, 2008 07:49 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
dominamia.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
writers_loftbelow the cut, a piece of her...
Concrit welcom
I never meant for it to go so horribly wrong, I have lived for nearly a millennia, and never gone so far against my own instincts. Yes, I am a “deviant” but never has my own hedonism and darkness passed so quickly to another being.
I pride myself on my ability to use and discard humans quickly. I am a wonder among my own kind. I am a Dream Eater, a “vampire of the psyche”; much like my cousins of the flesh, I prey on mortals, but not for their bodies. I feed on the very darkness of their hearts, the more sinful and wickedness that humans feebly hide from the world and themselves. At night I feed on their dreams and desires essentially eating their souls. The great folly of my existence was allowing a mortal to feed on a piece of my soul, see my dreams. The loneliness and boredom overtook me, and I attempted to make a companion. My little Mariad never had a chance with the gift I offered. Moments after the taste, she went mad with the overwhelming darkness.
I get ahead of myself, in order to understand what I have done to my little Mariad, you must first understand what and who I am. The name I have given myself is Catherine Lenoir. I came into existence in A.D. 1066 in a time of warring gods and inner-demons. This was an excellent time to be called to life. My race exists in order to keep the balance of darkness in humans, and therefore we feed on mortals. I do not know who “created” us, God or Satan, I only know my purpose. I was not “born” like mortals from two physical parents, but more called into being in a spiritual sense until I found a host body to my liking. My kind is a hybrid of all the complex and simple dark emotions and desires of the human experience: lust, wrath, greed, love, sympathy, pity, and hate. Much like the biblical “Adam” was born of dust and breath of life, I was born of the darkness. Dream Eaters are not human, we are not demons, and we are not angels. We exist soley to feed on the darkness of mortals. You can imagine the severe ennui that can arise from such an existence.
The moment I began my existence, I felt every raw emotion of the mortals around me. The ravenous hunger I inside me yearned to be fed. Instinctly I followed the deep attraction of hatred. Inside the edifice on top a hill, I saw a young beautiful woman. Her olive skin and curly black hair shimmered with the mist of the early morning. She was filled with hate – for herself, the men that brutally raped her, and God for allowing her life. She was just outside the city, on top of the cliff about to jump. Her soul was so filled with hate that I fed voraciously until I had devoured her soul with the intent to take her body. The moment I entered her body I felt the body course with dark power and knowledge-the knowledge I will never die. It was a delicious introduction to existence.
The moment a Dream Eater takes a body is the moment they realize their full power. Many Dream Eaters do not get the chance to take a body so quickly after “birth”, I lucked out. From the moment I took in my first breath, I knew everything about the desires of mortals. The fears, desires, and their complexities all fascinated me. In that moment, I became Catherine Lenoir – Dream Eater. As that power filled me, my purpose burned in my heart. I turned back to the village that had scorned the previous owner of my body and fed. Leaving the place of my birth, I walked into my new world of never ending darkness and it was beautiful.
Concrit welcom
I never meant for it to go so horribly wrong, I have lived for nearly a millennia, and never gone so far against my own instincts. Yes, I am a “deviant” but never has my own hedonism and darkness passed so quickly to another being.
I pride myself on my ability to use and discard humans quickly. I am a wonder among my own kind. I am a Dream Eater, a “vampire of the psyche”; much like my cousins of the flesh, I prey on mortals, but not for their bodies. I feed on the very darkness of their hearts, the more sinful and wickedness that humans feebly hide from the world and themselves. At night I feed on their dreams and desires essentially eating their souls. The great folly of my existence was allowing a mortal to feed on a piece of my soul, see my dreams. The loneliness and boredom overtook me, and I attempted to make a companion. My little Mariad never had a chance with the gift I offered. Moments after the taste, she went mad with the overwhelming darkness.
I get ahead of myself, in order to understand what I have done to my little Mariad, you must first understand what and who I am. The name I have given myself is Catherine Lenoir. I came into existence in A.D. 1066 in a time of warring gods and inner-demons. This was an excellent time to be called to life. My race exists in order to keep the balance of darkness in humans, and therefore we feed on mortals. I do not know who “created” us, God or Satan, I only know my purpose. I was not “born” like mortals from two physical parents, but more called into being in a spiritual sense until I found a host body to my liking. My kind is a hybrid of all the complex and simple dark emotions and desires of the human experience: lust, wrath, greed, love, sympathy, pity, and hate. Much like the biblical “Adam” was born of dust and breath of life, I was born of the darkness. Dream Eaters are not human, we are not demons, and we are not angels. We exist soley to feed on the darkness of mortals. You can imagine the severe ennui that can arise from such an existence.
The moment I began my existence, I felt every raw emotion of the mortals around me. The ravenous hunger I inside me yearned to be fed. Instinctly I followed the deep attraction of hatred. Inside the edifice on top a hill, I saw a young beautiful woman. Her olive skin and curly black hair shimmered with the mist of the early morning. She was filled with hate – for herself, the men that brutally raped her, and God for allowing her life. She was just outside the city, on top of the cliff about to jump. Her soul was so filled with hate that I fed voraciously until I had devoured her soul with the intent to take her body. The moment I entered her body I felt the body course with dark power and knowledge-the knowledge I will never die. It was a delicious introduction to existence.
The moment a Dream Eater takes a body is the moment they realize their full power. Many Dream Eaters do not get the chance to take a body so quickly after “birth”, I lucked out. From the moment I took in my first breath, I knew everything about the desires of mortals. The fears, desires, and their complexities all fascinated me. In that moment, I became Catherine Lenoir – Dream Eater. As that power filled me, my purpose burned in my heart. I turned back to the village that had scorned the previous owner of my body and fed. Leaving the place of my birth, I walked into my new world of never ending darkness and it was beautiful.
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Date: 2008-01-13 04:19 am (UTC)You have the traditional "I have to get this thought down quickly" mistakes that a step back and re-read should fix.
However, there is one thing that I really noticed. You kind of rushed the story. We now know the basic plot - Dream Eater and Mariad's interactions - and we know the main character's history and we know all about "her" people. The reader finds out a lot in one big rush! This works if you want it to be the hook and you can keep the reader on the edge of their seat, so to speak. Just be careful. There are other ways to convey the character's background.
On the other hand, I adore this character. It has depth and a sense of mystery that draws the reader. This story has potential. I can't even quite explain it, but I'm drawn to it. The only way I can think to describe the way I respond to this is to compare it to my response to Sunshine by Robin McKinley, if that helps.
Ah, anyway, you're character continuation is oompletely up to you, but I support it.