Comments needed! =)

[quicksilver-47.livejournal.com]

Please comment on the two articles I have posted here. I need feedback, and will be glad to know of your thoughts.
Thanks!
=)

Comments

[clawfoot.livejournal.com]

It also may help to tell us what the context for the pieces are, what these were written for, and who the intended audience is. The first one, for example, works really well as ad copy for a charity, but as a stand-alone short story comes off as kind of preachy and self-important.

Are these for an assignment? Are they stand-alone fiction? What is their purpose?

[quicksilver-47.livejournal.com]

They're made as feature articles for our school paper. I guess you could say that the high-school body, as well as the other factions of our community are the intended audience.