Much Needed Help!
Mar. 18th, 2010 09:49 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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writers_loftI have an assignment due tomorrow (March 19th, 2010) and I need someone to look over my essay and help me revise. I'd appreciate it greatly! More than one person welcome!
Vantage Point
In To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee shows the motif of empathy. But the one who amplifies it throughout the whole duration of the story is Atticus Finch; the beloved father of Scout and Jem Finch. I believed that he would be a better choice than Jem or Scout because, to an extent, I can relate to him.
Atticus Finch is very wise and gives out good advice to his children to help them learn and grow. He is always a good sport about life and tries to see the silver lining even when times are tough. Although he may seem calm, cool and collected he does face some stressful troubles (who wouldn’t?). Not only does he have to raise his children but he has also been given a case, which everyone – himself included, knew he could not win, but tries his best to anyway. When Scout asks why he’s doing it if he knows he cannot win he replies: “Simply because we were licked a hundred years before we started is no reason for us not to try to win” (76).
There is never a time that Atticus does not show empathy towards someone, even people that are cruel and call him a “nigger-lover” or call him a bad man for defending an African American. When Scout asks Atticus why people are calling him a “nigger-lover” he replies: “…You might hear some ugly talk about it at school, but do one thing for me if you will: you just hold your head high and keep your fists down…” (76). Later in the book Scout gets angry at Atticus for sending Jem over to talk to Miss Dubose. When Scout mentions that a lot of people in Maycomb tend to think that Atticus is wrong he says: “…They’re [most Maycomb folks] certainly entitled to think that, and they’re entitled to full respect of their opinions…” (105).
During Christmas when Jem got an air-rifle Atticus told him not to shoot at blue-jays because, “…it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird” (90). Another example of the empathy he expresses would be with Bob Ewell. After the trail was over Bob had come up to Atticus and spat in his face, all Atticus said about this was: “I wish Bob Ewell wouldn’t chew tobacco” (217). I find that very amusing just because that’s the only thing he has to say. He shows no signs of anger or frustration, just impassive.
I respect Atticus because of his personality and integrity. How he always holds his head high no matter who says what about him. They can call him whatever and he’ll never once get mad or annoyed. He’ll simply take it with calmness that I wish I had. To be honest I can’t think of anything that I don’t like about Atticus. He’ll stand up for what’s right even if he stands alone.
They say you know when it’s a good book when you read the last sentence and you feel as if you’ve lost a friend. Well in reasons that I cannot begin to explain I felt just like that. Although it was relatively boring most of the time there were some parts that affected me greatly. Atticus’ character has changed my opinion on life only minutely because I’ve already tried thinking that way. In truth, I’ve learned to respect people’s opinions because everyone is different and everyone has their own opinions. Atticus has only taught me that I can be even better at it and not let it affect me at all and remember to always see it from all sides before you judge.
Once again thank you so much for your help!
peace.love.happiness.
~ Rosie
Vantage Point
In To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee shows the motif of empathy. But the one who amplifies it throughout the whole duration of the story is Atticus Finch; the beloved father of Scout and Jem Finch. I believed that he would be a better choice than Jem or Scout because, to an extent, I can relate to him.
Atticus Finch is very wise and gives out good advice to his children to help them learn and grow. He is always a good sport about life and tries to see the silver lining even when times are tough. Although he may seem calm, cool and collected he does face some stressful troubles (who wouldn’t?). Not only does he have to raise his children but he has also been given a case, which everyone – himself included, knew he could not win, but tries his best to anyway. When Scout asks why he’s doing it if he knows he cannot win he replies: “Simply because we were licked a hundred years before we started is no reason for us not to try to win” (76).
There is never a time that Atticus does not show empathy towards someone, even people that are cruel and call him a “nigger-lover” or call him a bad man for defending an African American. When Scout asks Atticus why people are calling him a “nigger-lover” he replies: “…You might hear some ugly talk about it at school, but do one thing for me if you will: you just hold your head high and keep your fists down…” (76). Later in the book Scout gets angry at Atticus for sending Jem over to talk to Miss Dubose. When Scout mentions that a lot of people in Maycomb tend to think that Atticus is wrong he says: “…They’re [most Maycomb folks] certainly entitled to think that, and they’re entitled to full respect of their opinions…” (105).
During Christmas when Jem got an air-rifle Atticus told him not to shoot at blue-jays because, “…it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird” (90). Another example of the empathy he expresses would be with Bob Ewell. After the trail was over Bob had come up to Atticus and spat in his face, all Atticus said about this was: “I wish Bob Ewell wouldn’t chew tobacco” (217). I find that very amusing just because that’s the only thing he has to say. He shows no signs of anger or frustration, just impassive.
I respect Atticus because of his personality and integrity. How he always holds his head high no matter who says what about him. They can call him whatever and he’ll never once get mad or annoyed. He’ll simply take it with calmness that I wish I had. To be honest I can’t think of anything that I don’t like about Atticus. He’ll stand up for what’s right even if he stands alone.
They say you know when it’s a good book when you read the last sentence and you feel as if you’ve lost a friend. Well in reasons that I cannot begin to explain I felt just like that. Although it was relatively boring most of the time there were some parts that affected me greatly. Atticus’ character has changed my opinion on life only minutely because I’ve already tried thinking that way. In truth, I’ve learned to respect people’s opinions because everyone is different and everyone has their own opinions. Atticus has only taught me that I can be even better at it and not let it affect me at all and remember to always see it from all sides before you judge.
Once again thank you so much for your help!
peace.love.happiness.
~ Rosie
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 05:58 pm (UTC)It's great that you start out the essay by touching upon the mood of the story. A criticism here would be to look back over the grammar. An initial suggestion:
You have "In To Kill a Mockingbird [by Harper Lee] shows..." -- You'll need to remove the word 'in' at the beginning so that it reads accurately. And actually, I would probably change up the order of the sentence to state the mood first and book title later... "An unmistakable mood of empathy lines the pages of To Kill a Mockingbird and is amplified most evidently by the beloved father character Atticus Finch."
Also you mention relating to this particular character but then never go on to explain how. Without shifting the essay into the first person too terribly, choose an aspect of Atticus's outlook on life that makes you feel you can relate to him and express how... "Atticus Finch's saavy for remaining positive and determined even when life lays a complicated path is an asset I myself strive to embrace." Then go on from there to cite examples from the story that reinforce the character's positivity and determination.
Lastly, you really want your ending paragraph to read as succinct and convincing. Currently it seems elusive:
[in reasons that I cannot begin to explain]-- find reasons!!
[because I've already tried thinking in that way]-- what way? Express it in words.
[to respect people's opinions because... everyone has their own opinions]-- don't repeat yourself. Redundancy is very obvious when it's in the same sentence.
I appreciate the first line of this paragraph when you mention that a good book means losing a friend as you read the last sentence, but then you contradict yourself almost immediately by saying that many parts of the story were boring. Use the concluding paragraph to emphasize the key points of Atticus's personality that create the mood of empathy you mention in the first paragraph... "You know it's a good book when you read the last sentence and feel as though you've lost a friend. In a story such as To Kill a Mockingbird, where the integrity and compassion of its main character entice the reader to question his or her own values, it's easy to understand why the power of Lee's words could come to feel like an old friend."
Good luck!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 10:25 pm (UTC)"gravesparker" has made excellent suggestions and I would augment his/her suggestions by making one of my own: try reading every sentence aloud to yourself. Sounds stupid and may be embarrassing, but you can find a crap-ton of grammatical errors if you do so. It's worked for me for years and it's something I recommend to my students.
Your introduction feels too short and abrupt. May I suggest taking your time with the introduction and not being in such a rush? For instance, explain in a little broader detail (because you go into deeper detail later in the essay) about what you mean by "To Kill a Mockingbird" being a motif of empathy? What can you offer to support that supposition?
This is on the nit-picky side, but what is your citation style for this essay? If you ever need to find a reference point for citation styles, this is a good place to go: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/search.php. I refer my students to it and I refer myself to it on a regular basis.
I hope that my comments have helped and not hurt -- I would never want to hurt anyone. If you think I should be more specific about something I've said, please let me know. :)
Best of luck to you. :)