Newbie hoping for feedback

[spiritualcoma.livejournal.com]

New to LJ (please excuse any errors), and hoping the online thing will help a little with the book I am writing. I am currently trying a different opening to the story and would like some feedback as to what you all think. Please go easy with the red ink as I already know I suck at grammer lol. Thanks.

 

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     Wiping the steam from the glass, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Questions filled my mind for the man staring back at me. What is happening to me? Am I having a mid-life crisis? Is it a nervious breakdown? Why am I suddenly loosing my mind? How come I feel my will to live slowly draining away?...

Question for you all

[bigfrog76.livejournal.com]

 Would this first line make you want to read more?


When my half-brother’s Sage and Gabriel asked if I’d like to join them in opening a business I jumped at the chance figuratively speaking since I am in a wheelchair. 

Thanks