Chapter for Comments and Critique

[magickeyboard.livejournal.com]

Hello again. I started writing a story about two months ago that has now reached 161 pages, at least five times as long as anything else I've ever written, and I can actually see the end of it and I'm very excited but very nervous about quality. It's in first person which I've never done before and it took me a while to get over the urge to go back and change everything to third person past tense which is what I usually write in.

Anyways, I want to post the first/second chapter (depending on if I make the first chapter a prologue instead) here and ask for critiques. Comments/Edits on grammar or content are both welcome and encouraged and I promise I'm good at taking criticism just ask my current group of readers as they love to tell me when I write something stupid ;-)

So here it is, the first, or maybe second, chapter of Perfect Imperfection (title still up for debate) a contemporary fiction novel with a bit of a scifi (not aliens or spaceships) twist. If you enjoy it you can find the first chapter/prologue at my journal here.


( Day in the Life )

I'm new here...

[rosalinda-143.livejournal.com]

Hey, everyone, I'm new here and I just wanted to ask you.., if you could tell me how you like my prologue, I'd like that very much. And since I don't know how to create a link, I'll just post my prologue on this post. So read it, tell me what you think of it, and give me suggetions.

Here it is:

I’m not normal and never will be. I work for a secret agency called Rose Thorn. They teach people as young as 13 and even blind people. They train them to fight, how to improvise, you name it: the martial arts, how to change your appearance in less than a minute, how to handle the pain of getting shot or just hurt in general.
Right now I’m their only agent that has photographic memory. And I started when I was 10 for reasons unknown. I was told my parents died in a car crash in the Rockies and that I didn’t have any other relatives to live with. So they said I could live with foster parents or my ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’ and their daughter or my ‘cousin.’
All my life I’ve been living a big fat lie and I hated it. No one ever understood me, because I’ve had more than 100 alter egos. My life was orderly, and simple until I met this one guy who would throw my world into chaos and confusion, the one guy who made me lost in my own life, the one guy who would change my view of the world forever.
The one guy whom I loved so much… it hurt.

So what do you think?

Hi:

[beres-ford.livejournal.com]

( Hi: )

First post :)

[sopeerocks.livejournal.com]

Hi, I have been here quite a while but never really had time to post. 
Anyways, I just wanted to know what you all think of this poem I wrote:

'Too bad,' the mocking bird cried
Teary-eyed I turned in fright 
'So she lied!
Yet you mustn't forget, 
do not regret, 
and do what is right.'

I heard, but weak I carried on
Fell to my knees; and it was I she won
For then I was hers to pawn
And I sat in abandoned essence 
Not a worry in sight, she didn't care for my presence
And then without a look back she was gone 

'She never said 
that she would leave me dead.'

In case you are wondering, it's about how someone I was really close to promised
nothing could end our friendship, but she just  walked out on me anyways.
I tend to write out my emotions when there is no one to talk to, so yeah. 
Let me know what you think, thanks :)