Outcast Prolouge:

[beres-ford.livejournal.com]

Hello.

I'm planning to write a Graphic Novel with my friend that I hope to get up onto the internet at some point. We're already in the midst of writing another one, but this idea came to us a few months ago. And I decided that I wanted to write a little backstory for it, so I did.

But I'd just like to get some construstive critque on it really and check that it makes sense to a reader who hasn't heard any of what the story is meant to be about. :)


( The city was a vibrant place once... )

I changed my Prologue

[rosalinda-143.livejournal.com]

I've taken everyone's adivce into consideration. The problem is I want some things to unfold during to story so you feel like you are part of the story. And I've probably written like what? 10, 11 chapters already, but I still don't know what to do for a prologue. Now some of you said I shouldn't have one... I thought about that, I felt like I needed one, just for some reason. But my point is I had a brainstorm last night and I wanted to see what you guys thought of my new prologue. When I pictured it though I kind of pictured it in movie form but I think it still works when on paper... anyhoo tell me what you think of my new and (hopefully) improved prologue.

Status report:
Name: Classified a.k.a. Agent 99 a.k.a. Mae Waterfall
Eye Color: Sapphire Blue
Current Eye Color: Violet
Hair: Back long, thick, and wavy in between milk chocolate and dark chocolate colored hair
Current Hair: Long, strait, chocolate brown
Body Figure: Slender, and rounded
Height: 5” 4’
Other Appearances: Soft, heart shaped face, almond shaped eyes, pointed nose and thin lips
Personality: Kind, funny, always smiling, tough, independent, a leader
Special Abilities: Photographic Memory, sixth sense a.k.a. E.S.P
Agency: Rose Thorn
Age: 16 a.k.a. 18
Location: Evergreen, Colorado
Address: Classified

Status Report:
Name: Eric Jay Knight
Eye color: Emerald Green
Hair: Black, short, kind of cropped, but wavy
Body Figure: Gangly, medium built
Height: 6” 5’
Other Appearances: Oval shaped face, rounded eyes, strait nose, and full lips
Personality: Fierce, loving, a leader stands up for what’s right, serious in his work
Vampire Power: Learns (the other vampires fighting technique) and uses it against them, and can heal (but it’s a slow process; the pain always gets worse before it gets better, and the person always falls asleep afterward. *Can be improved*)
Agency: Night Watchers (lower class)
Current Age: 18
Real Age: Unknown
Location: Wilsonville, Oregon
Address: Classified

It's a little sketchy 'cause I just thought of it last night, but I was thinking, I could update you guys like this througout the story.

I'd really like some constructive critisism, if you will... again. I'd appreciate it.

Thanks again!

Q: Action scenes

[jinkang.livejournal.com]

Any advice on how to write good action scenes?

Edited Chapter

[magickeyboard.livejournal.com]

Using the comments everyone gave me on the chapter I posted I've done some edits to try and improve it and would love some more feedback on how succesful or not succesful I was in that regard. I definitely appreciated all of the reviews I recieved the first time. :-)

So here's the edited chapter posted on my journal:

Day in the Life

A note to you.

[shoelace009.livejournal.com]

Ok so this was an experiment. I looked up the titles of a bunch of Vertical Horizon songs, wrote them down on a list in an order, and tried to write an entire piece just going from thought to thought and title to title. It was sort of spontaneous. It's relatively short, just something I wanted to try.
---

A note to you.

I'm clearly not everything you want. I understand that. You're the best I have ever had. To me you were always really more of a god, something that was never tangible no matter how hard I gripped your hands or securely held your arms or long I kept your lips. No shackle proved strong enough and that's ok because I'm still here. And you're not. And I've learned that that's ok because you fleetingly change like a muse and more than anything you're a shooting star, the one that leaves all the other stars behind; and as terrible as that is to feel, it's a terrible beauty because that fact that you're shooting through my life like a bullet or some sort of canon ball designed to leave the foundations as they are but completely useless in function, is what makes you beautiful. It's rooted in your nature and unraveling that thread from all the others to keep you will destroy just what I'm fighting so hard to keep.

So this is my resignation. An understanding resignation devoid of bitterness but a resignation all the same. Goodbye again. As much as you are a woman and strong and independent this really is the story of a girl who will never grow old or change and that's fine. Once you catch wildlife and catch it the beauty of the freedom it once held dwindles and all you have left is a crushed soul. And as much as I love that soaring, racing, stubbornly independent wildlife, capturing and imprisoning it is too vile for me. So while I'm tempted I'm going to do this to save me from myself.

( Read more... )

 

Sorry!

[rosetenshipper.livejournal.com]

Sorry sorry sorry! I didn't mean to post my thing the way I did. Sorry! Ugh now I feel like a douche. I didn't mean to take up so much space with giantic fonts and spacing and shit....sorry sorry sorry! I'm a noob...I am uber sorry.

Chapter One:

BATTLE OF THE CONFIDENCE MONSTER

 Luke Dresden’s black, 1964, hardtop mustang was stuck in the honking gridlock of cars that frequented the New York City streets. The mustang had no air conditioning, so he had his windows rolled down in an attempt to escape the summer heat. He flicked the end of his cigarette once, took a puff then shoved the butt into his ashtray. That was the sixth one he’d smoked in five minutes.

You’re doing the right thing, he thought, this needs to end.

( Read more... )